I got a text from my ex yesterday asking to see Ryan this w/e. Not a good time with Ry in respite care (he goes back in today) and his regular workers are only booked for 4 hours - not enough time for them to drive him to see him (it's about 3 hours round trip plus time there - a long day.
So I replied that this was not a good week but I could arrange it for the following week. He replied that he would let me know. So - good communication. It took us 10 years to get to the texting stage - I'm ok with that.
But then Ashley messaged me last night that he is back to his old ways. Her words - "Dad was in a 'craptastic' mood". So I asked her what was wrong. She said his anger was flaring. He picked her up and started to drive to a bar and grill. She asked where they were going and when he told her she reminded him that she was vegetarian but said - I guess I will just get fries. To which he angrily whipped the car around and drove to another place, basically cursing the entire time. He told her he was having a bad day. She said to me "Great - I don't see him for months then he acts like this!".
It brought back all the memories. This was what he was like OFTEN. If something in his life was not perfect - he flipped out. On me. The kids. The cat. The car. He squealed his tires. He drove erratically. He yelled. He threw things. My stomach got a little sick as those times came back to me. And I wanted to protect my daughter from that. But I know I can't. I just told her that I was sorry he acted that way and that she did not have to put up with it. But I know that's not enough.
My 2 lifelong best friends are in hospital. I am in Florida so can't be with them. One seems to have appendicitis. She had gone to visit the other on Thurs night, then ended up in the same hospital. But the first friend - "C" is in a bad way.
I have written here about C before. How her H left her for OW 3 years ago. It was such a difficult time. She had not worked for the previous 10 years (he did not want her to while they were raising their daughters) but when he left her he did not pay support. It was unbelievable - he had a great job but would not support his wife, pay bills etc. Then after about 9 months - he and OW broke up and he wanted to come back. Just as C was getting her life together. She had sold the family home, was ready to move into a new condo. Then he commited suicide. Jumped off a Skyway (like a tall causeway) bridge. It was so tragic.
C had been drinking for years but it got more intense after his death a little over 2 years ago. She has lost her licence a few times. We try to talk to her, support her daughters but up till now she would not even admit she had a problem. We helped her get through her daughter's wedding in June (she did go home between the ceremony and the reception to drink) and somehow got through it ok. She sat with us following the speeches and did not drink at all.
But last week, during one of her long binges (it's been a few weeks now) she fell and cracked her head open. He daughter found a trail of blood and she had locked herself in the bathrooms. She called 911 and they had to break the door down to get her to hospital. Her belly was so distended the ambulance attendants thought she was pregnant and ready to deliver!
Looks like she is in the final stages of alcoholism. They believe she has cirrhosis of the liver. We are all trying to figure out how to stage an intervention (her daughters talk to me about it along with a couple of friends and her brother) but it's complicated. A rehab specialist is meeting with the family today to work out a plan. But she wants to go home and feels she can recover as an oupatient (she has been in residential rehab a couple of times before). Of course we don't believe this will work. And these 2 young girls - 24 & 22 will likely lose their mother on the heels of losing their father.
So - prayers would help. I've thought about flying home but honestly don't think you can help someone who doesn't help themselves.
My ex is also an alcoholic. He admitted to it at the time we split. But then OW convinced him he is NOT an alcoholic and lets him do his thing - he prefers that of course so he stays the way he is. Broken. Angry. Abusive.
Hearing Ashley talk last night reminded me how much better my life is without him. I'm not sure how I ever lived like that for 30 years. I hope my children make better choices in a life partner.
