Staying off the ride 3 - being authentic

[Tumbling]

I am feeling MUCH better today!
Bag is packed. Flight to friend's is in 4.5hrs.
I am catching up with 2 other friends in different towns so this is a little CG adventure for me.

I reread all my threads this morning and I see I was doing very well until he kissed me. GAL was taking root, headstate was positive, focus was on CG. I just couldn't stay dim and wait and see where H might take us. I jumped into being the managerial wife that I used to be (the me I don't like)

I see that I took my eye off Tumbling's ball and tried to play with H's (so to speak). I have no business trying to control him (or anyone for that matter). I can only manage my Self so back to focusing on my ball. I think I was a dog in a past life...

H knows that I still have feelings for him and want to reconcile but from now on I am not going to do the work for us.

CG is back on her horse (actually I gonna ride a whale instead).
It's difficult to ride on the back of a humpback whale so I have to keep centred.
I will respond to H actions/texts but I will not initiate.
And when strong waves of emotion take hold, the whale will take me to deep waters where the disturbance isn't felt (this board).

PS They acknowledged my job application this morning
Still not sure how I feel about what this position might mean but it needs exploring.