My heart goes out to you! I know you are struggling w what your heart and mind are telling you to do.
The holidays are going to be hard for ALL of us here (even AS, w the good attitude or not..). Anyway, don't let your H decide what your holiday will or will not look like. It sounds like you are in a good place to set some boundaries.
DOn't let memories of Christmas lights get in the way of what makes YOU and your children happy and able to get joy out of the season. I know my kids EXPECT Christmas lights and lots of decorations and despite the current sitch I am planning to put them up FOR THE KIDS (& I bet it will make me feel better too...& maybe you).
Whatever the holidays are this year doesn't mean they need to be the same next year anyway. Just do what feel right to you for now. I agree w labug--doing something new might be just what will get you through too.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
or not..). Anyway, don't let your H decide what your holiday will or will not look like. It sounds like you are in a good place to set some boundaries. 
