Can This Be Salvaged?

[leopoldstotch]

SG I'm ok I guess. Im really struggling with ending my marriage. I came home from storm work Fri night. W was in a bad mood Sat and Sun. Sun morning she told me its my fault for getting laid off and that I have no desire to work. Talk about not having respect for me. So I off and play softball with my son and our team. We won the championship and had a great time celebrating.

S and I come home and W talks to S all happy and then starts in on me again about work etc. W tells me that we are over and that she is not "in" love with me that she doesn't get that "warm and fuzzy" feeling when I'm around.

SIGH... Part of me is ready to move on because I think to myself why should I stay with someone who doesn't want to be with me and who doesn't respect me? This isn't getting any easier.

[leopoldstotch]

Also forgot to mention that W once again blames the incident in July of 11 for the reason she no longer loves me. Just don't know what to do these days. Dont know if I should be the H I should have been to her or if it's time to go dark. Most of the time I feel like she is cake eating. W gets a roof over her head she also has a car payment all the utilities are paid. If we D there is no way she can afford the house, utilities, car payment and her cell phone on her salary. Maybe I'm wrong about the cake eating but I don't feel like Iam.

[MrBond]

When she starts laying into you. Put your hand up and tell her that you will tolerate he talking to you like that. That if she wants to be respected then YOU will be respected. That it wasn't your fault that you were laid off and you didn't do it on purpose. That you felt bad enough already without having her lay into you.

Standing up for yourself isn't a bad thing in this case.

[leopoldstotch]

Thank you Mr Bond very good words of wisdom.

[leopoldstotch]

I'm really having a hard time grasping how my W can be so engrossed in the things that happened in the past. She still brings up things that happened over 20 yrs ago.

Sunday night was a bad night. I really fell off the DB wagon and spoke out of anger and frustration over our sitch and my W getting on me about work and her telling me how I feel. She has it in her head that I'm depressed and just want her to feel sorry for me.

I was sure before that I was ready to give up on my M but now I dont want to especially since my W really seems adamant about us being done. Just this morning she called from work very angry telling me to take my "married" status off of Facebook and now I find out she is going to her sisters on Thanksgiving and I'm on my own. SIGH....

[Grateful]

My W and daughters will be gone on Thanksgiving as well. I am going to the beach. You should go somewhere as well.

[leopoldstotch]

I'm most likely going to have dinner with my best friend and his gf and their families.

[someguy1233]

You need to get the anger under wraps. Do all that you can to act as-if you're a happy person any time you're around W.

As MrBond mentioned, you can stand up for yourself when she lashes out at you. Remove yourself from the situation.

When you feel that you are getting angry you need to walk away as well. In my situation, I escape to the bathroom for a couple minutes to gather my thoughts. Or I go get the mail... step outside and organize the garage. Throw a wrench, whatever. But I don't let W see my in those moments!

[leopoldstotch]

SG you are right. I let my emotions get the better of me. I did apologize to my W but I don't think she cares. Based on her comments Sunday about not having that warm and fuzzy feeling when I'm around I believe she really is done. I believe we can have a new marriage a better one the one we both want but she seems unwilling to try or do the work. She has major issues with letting go of the past and its understandable. I know I may be mind reading here but based on her actions I see no fwd movement on her part. We have been in limbo since Feb I'd say. Living as roommates.

I also know she has a gf who is getting divorced and I think her gf is telling my W to move on. Today I found a post from her gf on her FB page that said ,When writing the story of your life, don't let someone else hold the pen. My W clicked the like button and commented, So very true . I have a gut feeling that's about me. SIGH.... Thx for talking to me SG. I have a tough road ahead.

[someguy1233]

Today I found a post from her gf on her FB page that said ,When writing the story of your life, don't let someone else hold the pen. My W clicked the like button and commented, So very true . I have a gut feeling that's about me. SIGH....

Don't put a lot of weight in what she posts on FB. It takes a half second of thought to click the "like" button. Perhaps her mind did drift to your relationship, maybe it didn't. Even if it did, the saying is true. She holds the pen. You can't write her back into your M. You're only in control of yourself.

Go be the best person you can be. Be the person she'd be a fool to leave. And if she does leave, you'll still be a better person. Take that pen and write your life and who you want to be.