H came home since Thursday night. We all ate as a family and it was real nice. His b-day gift came in the mail on the 7th and I told him he could start playing since I was going to be late. He told me that he'd wait to start the game because I had been there for the start of all the other episodes. H passed a comment that I ruined his surprise by coming home in time for dinner. I guess he had a rendez-vous planned because I was coming home late after work. (I had a follow-up appt. with the agent regarding the modeling/entertainment industry. She had no news due to weather in NYC.)
We woke up and sat next to each other on the sofa to see the opening sequence to the game. It felt like old times. He spent a couple of hours playing before he was called into work. The rest of the weekend went very well. No arguing, just spending quality time together watching tv and just hanging out with each other and the family.
On Sunday, H gave me a few dollars to go and get the cat some moist food. (Hadn't bought any moist since $ is tight and she has a full canister of dry food) On my way home from Mass, I went to the cat store and bought our cat some food and the kitten at his buddy's place a toy. (The kitten had busted the other toy and H wanted to replace it but never got the chance.) H was surprised and appreciative that I picked it up.
Later that day, we chatted about a few things (personal but not about M or R) and I took a leap and apologized for my actions during the past 7 years (condesending tone, belittling comments, etc.). H actually told me that I had nothing to apologize for. That a lot of it was because of something that he said or did to start it. He admitted to being immature and apologized for bringing me into a situation where he was coddled by his parents and lived under their wings. I told him that it was my choice and I agreed to it.
As we were talking he continued to refer to "if we move out" and "when I get my house/condo". He also mentioned that we can still be "F-buddies". Yea, didn't know how to answer that one so I just let it slip.
Without using the taboo word of love, I told H that I feel the way I do because I choose to feel that way. He said that he understood.
I can see the small steps we're making but it's so hard to keep steady and strong. Especially when he sent me that text last week that said he loved me and he still refers to us spending time together but his getting his own place.
Me39 H35 M8 T14 Early 5/12 H FB post re: his love for me. End 5/12 H done trying, writes "Dear John" letter 6/12 Wants D, calls ATTY, no file 1/13 Loves me, wants to try, moves home 3/13 Changes mind
He spent a couple of hours playing before he was called into work. The rest of the weekend went very well. No arguing, just spending quality time together watching tv and just hanging out with each other and the family.
