Dealing with the reality of separation

[Denver_2010]

I told my H one time that in order to R he would have to end it. I am not open to anything else. I never repeated it but I am certain he heard it. You fellas need to chill. She heard you. Chances are she is starting to believe the changes and knows better than to ask. Meaning- she is getting the boundaries. I know if it was me, I may not respond but I would still know it and think about it.

Yes, I definitely told her that at one point! Like I said though, I think she does have some serious selective hearing and has always read way too much into situations. For instance, if a friend would tell her jokingly that she was being ridiculous, in a matter of minutes she would have this whole grand explanation built up in her head that her friend hated her and it was because something she said and now people are talking about her behind her back and the world was going to end. I had to talk her out of many of those spirals in the past.

MKB, what do you mean by "she is getting the boundaries. I know if it was me, I may not respond but I would still know it and think about it." When you say you may not respond, respond to what?

She is thinking about wtf is going on in your head. That is what she means (I think). Either way, that's my opinion. You need to keep doing what you are doing. Stop talking to SIL too. That isn't going to help. Or at least, only use SIL for intel. Don't communicate that you are missing W! That defeats the purpose of what you are doing. Just tell SIL that you aren't rushing to the courthouse for D, but that you are living your life.

THAT is what you are trying to communicate to your W.