Heather Anger is a powerful tool and it will help you move forward on your journey. You have every right to be angry. You've been in denial as well as bargaining...now you are moving into the anger phase. It is all part of the grieving process. Find a pillow and beat the crap out of it. Write a letter to your h and then rip it to shreds.
Sitting, not reacting and actually doing nothing is very powerful. It's a statement, just like silence is a good statment, i.e., remember the old saying?...silence is golden. Sit quietly, the answers will come.
Just remember, you are giving the ow entirely too much power when you are thinking about her. She's absolutely nothing in the way of being a moral woman. She's just a bandaid there to stop the bleeding, nothing more.
You are not a loser and your h was most likely a very upstanding guy pre crisis. His situation is entirely different from what your mom and grandmother experienced. Heather, you do have a choice as to whether you will put up w/her disrespect or not. You have to take back your respect. You will always have a choice in what you do when it comes to your life...the question will be is it the right one for you and, of course, you are the only one that can answer that one.
The insanity of the rollercoaster ride is enough to make you want to get off. One minute they are rational and then the next back down into the rabbit hole they go. That's why it is very important to detach, try not to take what they say personally and don't drink the koolaid that they are constantly wanting to give you.
Think about what boundaries you are willing to institute and if you can live w/them. Think about what you want to do for you in the way of changes or interests. The world is your oyster and you can do whatever you want...you do have choices!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
