Wayne says that his philosophy on life can be summarized in that tune: "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream..." Notice it says row YOUR boat--not somebody else's boat. And do it GENTLY--not in a rushed manner. And row DOWN the stream. Not up the stream! Go with the flow, basically.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
i can't leave H alone and it's not doing me any good. confession i emailed him my job ap and coverletter this morning at 730pm i text him that i had sent it over earlier and would love some feedback before i emailed it. will call you at 9pm x H: ok, i have a few comments x
Note to self - if i book a time with H for a phonecall he agrees to it. If i say can i call, he says no - does that = pressure to him?
so i called at 9. General chitchat to start - he's tired, stomachache still - i suggested doctor - hadn't done anything other than sleep late, watch tv and work. He was still working at 9pm I said i wouldnt keep him long and we got down to coverletter and cv application. He had't really spent some time on it and picked up odd punctuation, funny sentences, repetition of dates for diff jobs. i was amazed at his thoroughness and attention to detail. thanked him. he said you're welcome.
i reminded him i go away tuesday and back on saturday and maybe we could get together that w/e. he said not sure as to how he will feel sat night, busy week, travelling w work. i said "look h, i miss your company, I don't want to pressure you to see me, but i am not going to keep asking to see you if you don't want to see me. Just tell me and i will stop asking." He said "I do want to see you it's just i'm busy" Then I said it's really hard living like this as it puts pressure on making sure we see each other at w'ends when really maybe all we want to do is laze around but we feel like we have to do an activity. And if we lived together at least we would have each other's company without this pressure. It makes our relationship seem like a chore. Then we talked admin. Then I told him about the honeydo list getting longer and he said he would do it next time he was over Then I asked if he had thought about xmas. H:"No, and i don't want to talk about this now" Then I said ok - well here's another question - don't freak out about this one but that hotel where we booked in July (it's 30miles from here), we have a credit note for �450 that expires 01/01/2013 and I was wondering what you feel about using it? H: Um, wow, I'd have to think about it. Me: We'd both have to think about it. H: It's whether we'll feel comfortable Me: I know. I just thought it would be nice to get away together even if we only use half the credit. H: I'll have to see which w'e might work Me: Ok. Me: So what do you want to do about staying in touch when I'm away? Shall I call you? H: I'm all over the place with work so it might be difficult. Let's play it by ear
I don't know how it finished but it did - 30mins later
And now I'm all wobbly - i thought it was a positive call but reading it back i just see avoidance in H. i fear things will never change for us (well they won't if you keep picking at it, Tumbling)
i know i have to leave it alone. i was doing so well staying off the ride since i came on the board but it only took two sightings of the lesser spotted H and i am a basketcase.
i want to stay in responding, detached mode. it was working and his texts got longer and then he asked to see me but now it all feels lost.
i want this marriage so bad that i can't give him the space to step in.
i know what i am supposed to do. i just don't seem to be able to follow the rules anymore.
i am really cross w my Self
i am glad i am going away. i am going dim/dark and if he asks i will say i needed a time out (he takes them all the time)
I have drafted a text - which i won't send tonight - maybe never, as i'd rather ask him to his face - i feel funny asking this but i am going to ask it anyways. i've assumed that you want to stay married and work on making this relationship right for both of us. so just for the record are we on the same page? Knowing this would really help me alot as I don't want to carry on in limbo, i'd rather call it a day. That's very pressuring isn't it?
i've realised that i'm not just dealing with an avoidant personality - i think i am dealing with a depressed one too :-(
Give me 2x4s - i need them
I have sent my job application
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
I know I deserve more Bug. Unfortunately I still believe H would give it to me if he could, he's just broken and I can't fix him. I could walk away if I didn't see flashes of what could be when we are together but at the same time I don't know whether I can stand waiting for him to find him Self and step up.
I feel like I pushed it all again onto my timeline Rushing around with my panties in a bunch I have behaved just like i did all the other times - been too impatient and gone rushing in where even angels fear to tread. I've got to STOP initiating! We know he will get in contact eventually. We've done this experiment before.
I thought i was off the ride but this was the hidden plateau before the next loopdeloop
"We know he will get in contact eventually. We've done this experiment before."
Oh, tumbling punky do, I feel for you. It's accuray's classic distancer/pursuer dance.
You've done this before (as you state above). I know, in my heart, you can't possibly want this to continue again...over, and over, and over.
Something in the pattern has to change. He won't even committ to christmas with you.
Bug is so right: you deserve to be with a man who realizes your value.
It's time to move on with your life. No need to send that email. He's given you your answer. It may change. It may not.
GAL should be your number one priority now. Be around your family and friends. Turn down no invitations. I don't know what's going on with your H but something's fishy in Denmark. I don't think you're getting the full story and complete honesty. Until that happens (or if), you'll drive yourself crazy.
(((((TPD)))))
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Tumbling, I agree w scaredsilly. The classic recipe for driving ourselves crazy!
And, I understand about the knowing what the "right DBing thing to do it" and yet NOT doing just that. Nobody is "perfect" at this and there actually is no such thing anyway... as we are dealing w people w feelings and every sitch is unique.
Don't send the text. It sounds like an ultimatim & I don't think you are AT ALL in that place yet.
I'm sure there will be lots of advice about the holidays on this forum. I agree to make plans w/o H & have NO EXPECTATIONS from him.
YOu already put the "getaway idea" out there for him to consider, so let him consider and BACK WAY OFF. Otherwise it's just pressure and pursuing.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
