Ellie tells me you will be in Vacaville soon. That is very close to me! I just skimmed your situation, and it doesn't sound fun at all. But I would love to get together with another DBer! I am just about 1/2 hour away. My email is vduax@dcn.davis.ca.us Talk to you soon, SG (Vickie)
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
1) well this one started off as a negative but turned into a positive. my hubby is usually the one who calls me during the day, well he wasn't calling me so i called him, three times, but each time it was for a valid reason, and each time, he sounded REALLY distant - so of course, stinkin thinkin took over
my last call was at 1:30 - i said to myself, i aint calling him again. he calls at 5:30 (usually home around 4) and tells me he is going to be even later than this cause he is at someone's house fixing thier computer
well pms got the better of me, and MORE OF THE SAME bitchy attitude came out - i was short and he knew right away that something was wrong - he went ahead and left the guys house and on his way home he called back
i was in no mood to talk - my runaway thinking had already taken over, and i had him sleeping around with every two bit whore on the planet by that time - but he kept pushing it
so i finally caved in (180 for me) - i told him about his calls, how they sounded to me, he told me why they sounded that way - i apologized (another 180) and he came home, told everyone to get their shoes on he was taking us out to dinner (and a haircut for me and him)
we had a fabulous time!!! went out and had wings and beer, and listened to a guy play some music!!! whew, came out of that one unscathed
2) had a very unsettleing phone call on wednesday with my 82 year old mother who lives 6500 miles away from me, one of those, oh my god calls - something is not right and something is going to happen to her
well she called me yesterday and told me she was feeling MUCH better and for me not to worry!!!!
3) hubby actually told me that just for curiousity sake yesterday he stopped by a house that was for rent to see what the deal was, cause it was awfully cute - way too much for us, but the fact is he considered moving us into something much nicer which is a hopeful. at least i took it to mean he is still thinking of our future together
Quote: but the fact is he considered moving us into something much nicer which is a hopeful. at least i took it to mean he is still thinking of our future together
HELLO! And the fact that he took all of you out and you got a haircut! This guy is on his way back to your heart!
Deb
Just thought I'd point this out to you because you aren't seeing the trees for the forest! LOL
I can understand what you mean about sex, and letting him lead.
It's possible that he's just one of those unusual guys (like my husband) who sees sex more like women see it. And that the intimacy of friendship has to be there. Monkey told me that he had to feel close to someone before he wanted to make love.
I suspect that's what is going on with him inviting you to watch movies.
I LOVE watching movies with my husband and would be in heaven if we watched 2 in a row!
I think he's inching his way back to you. I think watching movies with you is his way of feeling closer to you.
For me, when we finally did make love again, I knew we were going to make it...that was the final sign before we moved back in together. I suspect that when that happens for you, it will mean that he's ready to jump in with both feet, although he'll still be scared.
Make sense?
Even now, my husband and I are intimate once a week only.
Something amusing though. I was in the shower this morning and he was downstairs. When I got out of the shower, my kitty was meowing to me so I started talking to her. Husband came upstairs and told me he could hear me talking to her.
I said, "Uh oh, if you could hear that, then when we have kids, they'll hear us making love."
He responded, "I can just imagine, 'Dad, why does mommy scream every night?"
I laughed and said, "Every night? You promise?!!"
Giggle...ain't going to happen...but it was really nice to hear him say that!
I believe you'll get there Kitti Kat...just keep being patient...he'll trust you and love you even more for it.
Quote: It's possible that he's just one of those unusual guys (like my husband) who sees sex more like women see it. And that the intimacy of friendship has to be there. Monkey told me that he had to feel close to someone before he wanted to make love.
pib
i think this is PART of the problem. he is really messed up in the head right now with all of his issues. at one point in some of our discussions he even went as far as to say to me that the only reason that any of these girls liked him was because of how good he was in the sack (i said it politely, he didn't)
so i think he has some major issues with sex, and i am trying to show him that i love him even tho there isn't sex - ya know?
Yes, but aren't you worried that he feels like he doesn't deserve to have sex with you, that then you would be stuck with him (because of your religious beliefs) and he doesn't feel good enough about himself to think that would be fair to you? If he believes that, then won't it pretty much HAVE to be you that tells him you're willing to take the risk on a new R with him, and that you love him no matter what?
i think way down deep in his head he feels like he doesn't deserve to have sex with me. i think that is the main issue more than anything else, but this man is NOT THRU playing the BLAME GAME - he is still blaming everyone else on earth for his problems in life
albeit that the worlds keeps getting smaller and smaller - but until he comes to the conclusion that HE IS RESPONSIBLE for his own actions, i don't think he has the comprehension of dealing with me
and quite honestly, the question "what would i be doing different if i was divorced" always comes up in my mind. i know for SURE ellie that i will not remarry, not at least as long as my daughter is in my care. i will NOT have a step father for her, no how no way. i know what it is like to be a step and to have steps, and i will NOT do that to her, i will SACRIFICE MY LIFE to attain that desire.
now to answer your ? about it being me to have to tell him that i am willing for a new r? yes darlin, i have told him - not lately - but he knows that i am here for the long haul - the last r talk we had i told him, i wasn't going anywhere, that i realized he had issues and that i was here when he was either a) ready to discuss them or b) ready to move on with our lives as husband and wife, but that i love him much and will wait for him
that was oct 31 - we havent had a r talk since then
