First of all GREAT INSIGHTS TO YOURSELF in regards to urges of texting and what staying in contact is meaning to you. What are your insights towards yourself in regards to fear of abandonment?
I've been through this ride of the MLCer partially responding to parts of a conversation and dropping the other like a hot potato.The turd did it to me last week. Oh I was so mad. Then I considered the source. And yes Relationship talk will send them to the hills! XH could talk about ANYTHING but relationship talk. And that drove me nutts because I was a pursuer and wanted this problem solved NOW.
One thing these MLCers do that get us hooked is THROW US SOME CRUMBS and we frantically go and gobble them up expecting more!
I was impressed your H was able to communicate something in a decent manner about how he was feeling. That's very good. However that's also crumbs that can keep you hooked. At least for me I thought " well if you can communicate this, then why can't we dig deeper?"
Well as the great Snodderly says they can't focus but 2-3 sentences at a time, oh and that's so true. If I were living a double life I don't think I could concentrate on much either.
I know, I know, the OW seems so vile. Same here. My girls come home and tell me what she's like and its now to the point I just sit there in astonishment and then start to chuckle, because....XH has his hands full. It really must be a relationship of convienence, or him really just having a buddy more than anything. My BIL and SIL are taken aback by her. SIL keeps her distance and is disgusted by the things she says. My XH was a bartendar for 15 years and it wasn't the swankiest bar around. Im beginning to wonder if hanging with Riff Raff just takes him back to his glory days. This woman he did work with for a few years.
At any rate Heather, My suggestion would be to really focus on becoming independent from your H at this time. Find a sitter, and if he wants time with the girls he comes to get them and takes them a while. His tools getting wet? Too damn bad he doesn't live there anymore. Infact the only contact I would give him is a timeframe to get all his belongings out or they go to the dump.
The time of us LBS being the fall back girl needs to end! They may kick and scream and spew at first, but they will respect you when the dust clears. I have to say that since I took a stand for myself and quit allowing my XH to treat me like a fall back girl and cake eat, after his tantrums and a few big fights later, he now treats me more respectfully than he has in years.
These mLCers are like young adolescent boys emotionally, but chrologically they're adults. We can still love these men, but I say it's time to quit raising our grown men! Let go of the boys and hope they find their way back into manhood again!
