He actually didn't that time. I had a protection order so we literally went 6 weeks with no contact at all. Nothing. By then he had let go of his anger towards me. He also had enough time to really miss us.
MKB, it took me a while to catch up on your sitch. All I can say is that I'm sending you my best and to get as much rest as you can...Hope you and the kids get to do something fun tomorrow. (((())))
Today has been okay but slow. I miss our lazy family Sundays. Today has sucked. Nothing bad. I haven't been weepy or anything but I have been sluggish all day. Sigh. It still makes me angry and hurts my feelings knowing he spends them elsewhere. Discounted, discarded, and left behind. I'm not sure I will ever really get over this or even be able to trust anyone else again. Likely I am doomed to be the crazy cat lady. Another big sigh. So that's what today has felt like. Would have been more fitting if it had been dark and gloomy. I'm definitely in a funk. Worried about money. Same old same old. I've also been bored. I'm not one of those people that has many friends and I have really been very lonely lately. I dunno. That's all I got. Nothing dramatic. Nothing has happened. Likely it won't either. So here I sit.
Sweet MKB, you will get over this. Trust me. You will have good days and even great days again.
When I'm in a funk I sometimes remember to remind myself that my mental states inevitably change just as the weather inevitably changes. You know that about the weather, right? It's the same with your feelings.
By the way, your last post is very poetic and you write in a really evocative way. I've had days when I feel just the way you've described how you feel today so far.
Hang in there and I'm sending you a virtual hug as you're sitting there.
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
I know how you feel. There are times when I know I should do something but just don't have wind in my sail. Then I start feeling sorry for myself and get lower and lower. As wendy is saying, you will inevitably bounce from that low. In the meantime, this is when you have to make a superhuman effort to GAL. Get out there and do something. Anything. Something different, unexpected, even crazy. Surprise yourself.
My thoughts are with you.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
This is me officially giving up. I was offered a job. Can't take it because of the schedule. I called H. Basically said, look I really REALLY need your help. Can we get together and talk about this and all of our other issues- bills, loans, all of it. He tells me no. He can't "trust" me in person last time I acted like I was going to hit him (I really really really would have liked to but because I am going into nursing I can't) and he wants it to be in public. I said no to that because I felt like I would likely be upset and not want to make a spectacle of myself. Then he starts ranting how he will let me know when he can fit some time into his schedule to talk to me that I am not "controlling or dictating when we do this" Mind you, I had no time or date in mind. I would prefer ASAP because of the job but whatever. So finally, I just got mad and said listen @ss if you can't talk to me respectfully then never mind. He hung up on me as soon as I said that. He got his power back.
All of our issues at this point I think are about respect. And his lack of it for me. He is furious about the calling the day before for visitation. Lord knows he has brought it up at least 5 or 6 times. Made comments about it. Every single time, I try to have any boundaries at all he just acts insane and rude and nasty. So I guess my only response at this point is to not cave. Of course, he would make all of us suffer in the meantime. Nothing new there.
He did say OW is not living with him. Or started to say it. He said who told you that? I said it doesn't matter. He said you have no idea what you are talking about. So I don't know on that. I assume I am correct though or otherwise he would have wanted the kids to visit him there yesterday rather than his dads. Of course I could be wrong. Whatever. I don't really care anymore. It's a mess. I did say look I get it. I will sign the papers you are free to go and do whatever just quit being so nasty so we can actually make this less painful for everyone. It'll never be not nasty or painful. That's how he wants it. To rant and scream at me and say see how awful she is. I give up. Done. I will still DB because it's just good advice for me. I still have to go through all the feelings and emotional roller coaster I will. But to refuse to even be around me? That's just nuts and I bet not his choice. He is 6 ft 190 lbs. Not frail. I am 5'4 and 140 lbs. I am no threat. That's just stupidity. More fodder to belittle me and make me feel bad about myself while he keeps living his victim mentality. Eff that.
"...he wants it to be in public. I said no to that because I felt like I would likely be upset and not want to make a spectacle of myself."
that's probably why he wanted it in a public place; so you would have to exercise some self control. your response is you telling him that you won't be able to. don't you think? read it again...
"All of our issues at this point I think are about respect. And his lack of it for me." "So finally, I just got mad and said listen @ss..."
respect should be a mutual thing, don't you think? you can't engage in name calling and losing your temper and not compromising and then say it's all his fault. you will have to work on YOUR issues. i would say, one of them is anger and controling your temper. name calling would be another along with dealing with frustration.
do you think texting would be better for your communications with him? maybe, you could then give your response some time and figure out the best way to respond without emotions.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Yea last time we did that his gf text me acting like him. Respect is a two way street. Please stay out of my thread in the future especially since you obviously are not paying that much attention. Or better yet. How bout I just stay out of it too? Thanks for the support! You rock!
