Together Separate II

[mizjjd]

I suppose its very wrong of me to wish H would STOP talking to me. He came home from a training class today and wanted to talk. Sinking heart, I sat and listened.

He said how I was right when years ago I told him he has no "joy" in his life. He has turned this into an oft told joke "Well I'll tell you when I meet her".

Once again I got to hear about how happy he was with wife #2, and the old girlfriend who he recently had the online affair with - the sitch which led directly to the whole bomb drop sitch we are currently in. I told him joy isn't a person, its what you have inside - he tells me he wants what the movies say "you complete me". I tell him the movies only tell part of the story. But then he goes on to say how he realizes women are all so similar in so many ways... At this point I don't even know WHAT he said, and definitely don't know WHAT he meant.

I told him he NEEDS TO FIND A PROFESSIONAL TO SPEAK TO. Because not only am I ill equipped for the job, I'm not the appropriate person to hear about HOW WONDERFUL every OTHER woman he's known was. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT. I've heard it time and time and time again. I know their names and their stories. Why do I have to hear about how much he misses THEM over and over again?

H says he tells me these things so he can "work through it all". And maybe he needs to tell these stories ad nauseam, but do I have to hear them? Is this what is supposed to be happening? He says but I thought you would want to talk about my feelings and where my head is. I had to tell him that he was only partly right because I never meant to volunteer to hear about the glories of X, Y and Z.

But I don't know if all this is good bad or indifferent. He doesn't remember telling me he was leaving when the twins turned 18. Or rather, he remembers telling me "He wouldn't leave until the twins turned 18". Now he says he never meant that leaving would be a definite thing - says he just doesn't know.

And I surely don't know either.