The Lure of the Siren

[25yearsmlc]

When the tough love technique does draw them back, is it because they really want back in on their own accord?

My guess is no, it's more likely they came back because you cornered them, out played them in the chess game, so to speak.

Is this the best way to build a truly loving and lasting relationship?

After the Last Chance Technique indeed.

Now I forget which LRT or technique was which, and didn't get too bogged down in that b/c it's just a guideline.

My h came home mostly, b/c he was afraid of losing me for good. And the kids...and it was about to be true.

he worked harder than HE expected, to get me to welcome him back into the home. I resisted but NOT b/c I wanted to punish him...really, I had no interest in that.

I just did not want to re-enter crazy roller coaster land of Limbo, when the girls and I had finally created a new, & pretty happy life, without him around.

I feared more drama. More indecision on his end. I feared he'd revert and we'd have to go for another round and truly, another round of this is NOT in my DNA.

I was happier than I had been in a long time (which he noticed) and I just believed and then KNEW that my future was bright.

A big part of me said "forget it. Why take the chance of being hurt again?" But I still loved him, though in a different way, and the kids did too, and I felt that all in all, trying to be an intact family after all the DB work I'd done, made sense. Forgiveness had mostly been achieved...

As for HIS view, his comments suggest that seeing

my confidence in MY future was intriguing...seeing that I was going to be fine sort of irked him but in a productive way...

it was surely better than the limbo had been. So to drop all that after all the work on myself that I'd done, well heck yes I was leery and wary of his "Changes".

Some of the changes were not solid enough, in hindsight & Retrovaille helped SO MUCH...

I forgave him but the d's had not. They wanted to, but he didn't "get" that he'd need to make up for things with THEM nearly as much as he does. HE and they are still working on that.