t sq -

i have a question. once (i think it was you - offering man insight - and it was sound) you said I should listen more to h - since he didn't feel "heard" - and try to find the message. (i'm paraphrasing here- it was long ago- but i was just mulling it over in light of something i read this morning somewhere- you and some other folks chatting)

here's what i want to know. you are rite- i DO need to listen & concentrate on what i'm "hearing". that being said- alot of our problems here (i think) are that h does not (and never ever has) talk about his feelings. hence- the i need to listen harder to figure out what's going on. .

HOWEVER - finding out that he's been such a HUGE liar for sooo long (apparently) (by his own admission) - and has said many many things that are quite "final" and awful- lately- - - - and upon reflection- over the years has said things that he didn't even remember (but were emblazoned on my mind - both good and bad) and doesn't even know he said them (geeeeZ) - so- what the heck is a woman to do???

and EVERYONE says don't listen to what they say and don't be swayed by what they do- (wacky mlc) -

do i listen & "hear" and take it to heart? do i ignore it all- it's alllllll lies and never will be anything el se??? do i have to view it half and half since he's probably done both- but at moment i view his as lying if he's talking... which is a mighty huge strain- the sifting and sifting, etc.

am in a momentar4y quandry where nothing seems right. i(we) do not talk about r- m - "us" anythng like that. i'm getting better and better about NOT going there. the not communicting does get to me- it's wierd and lonely.

he acts like everyday life- but in my land it's anything but. i just flow along- what the heck am i suppose to do with all the things he's said for all those years - and all these years - jumbling around in there- some of the things i based my very future on for 35 yrs or so - are/were lies, i do not know what to think about what..

any insight abouty remaining normal or calm or both? and where to aim???

thanks if u care to share or have a man's view of this communication issue i've got and cannot make heads or tails of -