Had a situation today which was a bit of an eye opener to me.
I dropped of S and she asked (nicely) for help with a transaction which kept "erroring".
I helped her succesfully.
She then afterwards had some problem with an e-mail. She became upset and irritated. She started having a bad tone towards me. I told her she had no reason and thought about leaving. I stayed a bit more though, but she didn't switch back to nice. So I said I was leaving, good bye, and left.
I think I'm a bit of a "fixer". When reflecting on the situation a couple of things crossed my mind :
1.That tone is not acceptable, why didnt I leave straight away? The reason I told myself : I don't want to contribute to making things worse by leaving and getting a fight over it. I care for her and want to help. If I explain she will understand it was wrong of her and that I don't accept.
What I believe is the real reason : I have a unconcious belief that if I stay positive/friendly regardless her attitude and fix it then we will be friendly again and things will get better. (yeah, not what happens is it)
I'm glad I left. I don't tolerate this from others, why should I tolerate it from her. I care for her, but I will not accept bad behaviour. By leaving, not by staying, is how I'm making it clear I don't accept it.
So what is there to learn for me?
*She chooses her own actions. Her alone. *I can accept them, or I can choose not to. *I have to stop trying to get her to see how wrong those actions are. Stop "teaching" her. Stop trying to fix the situation. *Not accepting does not mean staying, discussing, teaching, fixing. BUT leaving.
Any thoughts?
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
