Hey Heather, I just wanted to recommend you go to The Hero's Spouse website and really study what's there. Maybe you've been there already. I think you might have, can't remember if you said so or not. If so I apologize for repeating myself.
I still go there because it really gets to the nuts and bolts of MLC. Im also able to grasp the concepts of what this ordeal is all about now that I've established some detatchment and have healed some. Detatchment comes from really backing off on the contact. You do it for you, for you to heal and get a grip on yourself. It has always been my saving grace and still is to this day. After a while the urge to text, tell off, read the riot act, and turn into your own Monster fades the longer your contact is Dim, Dark, or completely gone.
Today I read about distancer/ pursuer dynamics and the OP/Affair down, and what role or needs they fullfil with the MLCer. At times I still think this is like a BAD DREAM. I can't imagine being caught up in any other insanity like this where it seems everything always contradicts something else when it comes to our MLCers. Nothing ever makes sense, until you really learn what you're dealing with. Im a believer now, though at times it still seems unbelievable.
Im reading because the dynamics are changing with XH and myself, which always seems to get my feathers a little ruffled. Not sure if we're doing a touch and go or what and really Im not that fixated on just what is going on. I just know contact with XH brings a roller coaster of emotions, but each time I go back and read about what's going on with an MLCer Im comforted and feel grounded.
