Heather, It might be helpful to print off those responses that have answered your questions so that you can refer back to them whenever you feel the need.
When I was going through the time that you are now, I printed off everything that was posted on my thread so that I could refer back to them whenever I needed to.
Just my two cents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think another reason I'm feeling so low is that he finally admitted to-essentially living with OW--up til now he denied it. I knew the truth, but I could hope I was wrong, and, just maybe he was telling the truth.
I know, I'm supposed to believe none of what he says and half of what he does.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Feel like texting him. Won't do it. Want to tell him that he can't treat me this way. That his behavior is making harder and harder for us to mend things. Want to tell him to knock all this sh!t off. Quit hurting us.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I struggle everyday with the whole concept of OW, some days more than others. It's been really eating at me lately that I don't know who it is. Because he continues to keep her a secret, I think maybe deep down he knows she's less quality than me. Who knows.
I have read so many times that the shine will eventually fade from OP, that they will reveal their true selves in time. She's been around for a good year, so I'm ready for her mask to come off ASAP!
Thanks again for all of your advice you give to everyone here.
Heather, hang in there girl! See if you can dig deep to give it some more time. Seems like the less you interact with him, the better.
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Made it through yesterday--felt a lot of pain, but I'm still here and tutoring this morning. Feel a little better. Dreamt about H and OW. In my dream, I went over to their apt--she was home but didn't know I was there--stayed in her bedroom. I found H's phone and couldn't resist looking at their text messages. I was afraid but looked anyway and was somewhat pleasantly surprised at how shallow their relationship was--OW sent a lot of texts about football and weird boring stuff-at least to me. Then, I notice he had given her something on Sweetest Day but it was really lame--some horrible, cheap jewelry that I would never accept-like something he got in the drugstore. I also noticed two empty card envelopes. Partly it hurt because there was more to the relationship than I thought and partly it was a relief because it wasn't the relationship that I had with H.
Hurting today, angry-ANGRY at how I was treated last week--teased and hurt again. But, not hurting as much as yesterday.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Hey Heather, I just wanted to recommend you go to The Hero's Spouse website and really study what's there. Maybe you've been there already. I think you might have, can't remember if you said so or not. If so I apologize for repeating myself.
I still go there because it really gets to the nuts and bolts of MLC. Im also able to grasp the concepts of what this ordeal is all about now that I've established some detatchment and have healed some. Detatchment comes from really backing off on the contact. You do it for you, for you to heal and get a grip on yourself. It has always been my saving grace and still is to this day. After a while the urge to text, tell off, read the riot act, and turn into your own Monster fades the longer your contact is Dim, Dark, or completely gone.
Today I read about distancer/ pursuer dynamics and the OP/Affair down, and what role or needs they fullfil with the MLCer. At times I still think this is like a BAD DREAM. I can't imagine being caught up in any other insanity like this where it seems everything always contradicts something else when it comes to our MLCers. Nothing ever makes sense, until you really learn what you're dealing with. Im a believer now, though at times it still seems unbelievable.
Im reading because the dynamics are changing with XH and myself, which always seems to get my feathers a little ruffled. Not sure if we're doing a touch and go or what and really Im not that fixated on just what is going on. I just know contact with XH brings a roller coaster of emotions, but each time I go back and read about what's going on with an MLCer Im comforted and feel grounded.
I have been on the Hero's Spouse. Funny how you get pieces of what you need from different places. I love what she has written on the OW and the affair down. Her description of why there was an attraction helped me to detach some and not take it personally.
SO HARD! The first six months I kept thinking..."This has GOT to be a dream. There is NOOOOO way this is happening to me and the kids--not with H. He'd never, ever do this." Felt so surreal.
The surreal is going away some, but still dumbfounds me what God expects us to deal with...And, after reading some other situations, I see how much more other spouses/families are living through. Unbelievable.
H had said last week he would babysit while I went out with my girlfriends tonight. I hadn't heard anything from him since I sent text on Sat night saying I didn't want him to come over yesterday. So I just sent a short text--"Not going tonight, Don't feel well, Thx anyway."
Haven't heard anything. Feel a bit disappointed. Isn't that crazy! This guy who dic-s me around and tells me he wants to be with his family, but then won't get rid of the OW~!! And, I'M Disappointed? What's wrong with this picture?
Much Love,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
