wife wants her space, doesnt know who she is

[mastersolo]

Hi I'm new here so sorry for the long post, I want to get the right advise so I want to let ppl know my whole sitch.

Ok first I am 25 W is 23 married for 4 years have 2 boys 1 and 5. We met in middle school she was 13 I was 14, so we are our only real parteners (except when she left me when I was 17 for 2 months). My wife dropped the bomb that she thinks she wants a divorce about 2 1/2 months ago, which was on a Monday and our 4 year anny was on that thursday :-( she said she doesn't know who she is and that she is still really young and doesn't know if I can give her the life she wants. Says the I love but not in love with you bit and I don't think you can ever change into who I want, and if you do I don't want you to do it for me. She says she isn't sexually attracted to me, there is no passion/intimacy. About 2 1/2 years ago I had a one nighter on my friends bachelor party. I could only keep it from her for about 2 weeks because I felt so bad inside. After that she decided that our relationship was worth saving so we started C. While we were going our C gave us DBing. She dived full force into it (the book and C) while I didn't at all because I hated seeing her cry so my approach was I don't want to talk about it. Needless to say we went for about 6 months then quit. During our counseling sessions I did learn how much she hated me working for my parents and my drug habit. For the next year after we stopped C a lot of nights she would want to talk about emotions and my habit and would cry because I didn't want to and then cry even more because I would fall asleep with her crying next to me. Tho that was when we were pregnant with our 1 year old so I know hormones played a part in it. once our son was born things seemed to mellow out. The crying stopped we never argued except for about 3 things (how I never helped around the house, my pot habit, and my job) I thought things were going ok then about a month before she dropped the bomb my job got so slow I barly was working and there was 3 straight weekends where we went out and I got into bar fights. When she dropped the bomb it really took me by surprise because she has never been a quitter, in highschool while pregnant with our oldest she was still going headstrong getting certified for a dental assistant, has worked her tail off being an assistant since she was 18, I cheated and she didn't quit. When she dropped the bomb I really took a step back and looked at my life and how I lived it and treated her, my kids, myself. And I was really sadened by what I saw. So I have stopped smoking, I clean non stop, and had gotten a new job but was laid off about a month ago. I understand all her frustrations because she has been the one who has had the steady income to pay bills, she has done up until recently all the raising of our kids, the main house cleaner dinner maker and so fourth. She really has been what should have been our whole marriage... The provider and man of the house, while I've just skated by working when I want doing what I want.

So here our current situation. The first 2 weeks she would stay at friends houses or moms, she was drinking a lot, not really being a good mom to our kids. Since then she has continually said to give her space, and we would try but we both ended up back at home. But she has been really good to our kids and hasn't been drinking that much at all. So 5 days ago she officially said she wants space and we have been trading night at our house so we can see out kids every other day. I picked up DBing 3 days ago and 2 days ago found this site and in the last few days have started to detach from her. I don't call, text or anything except when its about the kids. Which is hard for me bacause she is my bestfriend my everything. And up until a few days ago I was checking phone recordes, her bank account, calling her out on any liitle thing thought was suspisous which just pushed her away because everytime ishe would prove me wrong. She has now changed passwords and got off my cell plan. But in all honesty it makes it easier to detach.

So I guess now that I wrote a book I'm wondering what do I do from here, since I just started to read DBing and am only 60 some pages in I don't know what techniques to use. I feel like by not talking or texting her and by giving her space I'm letting her walk away. Anyways sorry for being so long, any advise will greatly be appreciated. Thanks