Interesting, W has sent me 4 emails this morning but not one word about the email I sent her regarding the holiday arrangements. I can't remember if I mentioned this in my old thread, but after BD W would respond to any email I sent unless it had anything R-related in it, then I would get no response at all. Once I started DB'ing I quickly learned not to talk about the R, so that quit happening. Until now. I think I threw her for a loop.
Originally Posted By: Arsene
I feel like I ve been lying to myself that everything would be just fine. The fact is, they aren t. The sooner I wake up to that and stop living this delusion, the better. Good on you mate.
Thanks and I am right there with you, I spent a lot of time convincing myself that everything would go back to "normal". But the more time that passes the more I realize that even if we reconcile there's going to be months of hard work involved in trying to build a new R. So there's no going "back" regardless. I can build a new life with W, or I can build a new life on my own, or I can build a new life with an OW. Frankly of those 3 I'm starting to think the first would be the most difficult, LOL!
Originally Posted By: Am I Too Late
Why did you sign up here in the 1st place?
I'm not going to sugar coat it, I signed up because I was desperate and needy. I was convinced I would die if I didn't get W back and I needed to know how to get her back ASAP. But DB'ing has taught me not how to get my W back, but that I invested too much of myself into my M and that I can fix myself and emerge a better, stronger, happier person whether I reconcile or not.
Quote:
I am learning from your earlier posts and from so many others as well and i dread coming to the conclusion that someday i wouldn't want my W back in my life in a loving and compassionate manner.
I don't want that to happen either, but if it does it does. I'm not fighting the fact that I'm losing love for my W. She lost her love for me and has consistently insisted that it will never return. Maybe it will, and if she were to start loving me again I would no doubt be able to start loving her again quite easily. But unless that happens, I have to prepare for life after W. It's not as simple as flipping a switch, I think I'm probably in the first stages of a months' long process of dropping the rope.
And I'm not saying this is the right or wrong attitude for anyone else on these forums. I'm not even saying I'm consciously doing this. I'm not. It's just happening, and I'm journaling about it so that others can read about my actions as well as the state-of-mind behind those actions. Just as my WAW is struggling internally, I too am struggling internally as the LBS. I don't know where her or my struggles will lead us, only time will tell.
