I'm really starting to get quite tired of the Monday doldrums. I think my next goal needs to be how to wake up on Monday morning and not feel the same damn way every time...
It is interesting though... this morning, I realized that while I was showering, getting ready for work, I was taking an inventory of the weekend, the ups and downs... and that's when this old-familiar feeling really started to sink in.
Anyway, I had a pretty great weekend. Had a late night on Friday night with some friends... Saturday morning was spent recovering, then getting out of the house with the doggie, running errands, and staying in for the night to watch some movies and just be lazy. Yesterday was the normal Sunday routine of meeting up with friends to watch the games... but it got more interesting as the day wore on.
Long story short, after most of my friends had left and I was getting ready to head out myself, a mutual friend of W and I who I hadn't seen for a few months showed up and we started chatting. Again, summarizing here, he started telling me how shocked he was when W defriended him on FB, and was even more shocked when he learned that we had separated. He went on to tell me that it was so shocking to him because W always spoke so highly of me and our M, told him many times how lucky she was to have married me etc... he said he's been around the block a TON and is good at seeing through things like that when they're not sincere... but he didn't see any of that...
So I didn't go into too many details, but just explained that she had moved away and was on her own path now... and that I was working on everything I could to better myself in the hopes of one day reconciling with W...
He, like most people, wasn't thrilled about my plan... giving me the whole "You can do better" thing that seems to echo through all of these conversations... but this time I was able to simply thank him for his kind words and let him know that I've though long and hard about my past, present, and future and I'm on the path that I want to be on. Thankfully, he accepted that and we caught up on other non-W related things.
His utter disbelief and recanting of conversations they'd had just a few months before the bomb drop haunted me on my drive home, but I did my best to keep the emotions under control while I was driving.
I got home, played with my puppy for a few minutes, then went promptly to bed...
So that's the recap of the weekend... now for today...
I've made an appointment to see my IC, who I haven't seen in almost a month (last time I saw him was a few days after W packed up her stuff)... he has a great way of helping me get my head on straight again and helps me see new perspectives on these types of things... and hopefully he can help with this Monday-Blues thing!
I also want to hear from him in regards to W's birthday tomorrow... And I know exactly why... Literally everyone is telling me to NOT say anything... no email... no text... no smoke-signals... nothing...
And I see the wisdom in that. I really do I see why that is probably the best way to go.
But I simply can't shake the feeling of that being a vindictive thing to do...
I'm sure he'll help me get my head around why it's not a good idea... as each of you has tried to do thus far!
