New to the site...

[heartbroken5]

Thank you fuanacdc, but I wish I was not here. From what I gathered this is a great support system and that’s what I need right now. More information on my R, sure, here goes.
1. What was the relationship like in the beginning? I don’t know where to begin. He would always say that I saved his life. I never really knew what that meant. I think I provided a calm in his life. He was a partier, but I had no idea of the extent of it until after I moved in. I could count on not seeing him on Friday night. No matter what. He did what he wanted to do and I got to the point where I was okay with that. It hurts to type all of this….
2. Was I going out with him more?
No I didn’t go out with him on Friday nights, I wasn’t a party goer. I liked to do other things, plays, movies, quiet evenings.

3. Was the drinking bad in the beginning? In the beginning it was social to me, but I saw what it really was after moving in and it got worse. It seems that he’s always been a heavy drinker but would slow down. A functional heavy/hard drinker.

4. What caused the bad times? 9 times out of 10 alcohol. He would have these periods when he would hear me and straighten up and focus on our marriage and building our home and those were the best times. The times that I don’t want to let go. We would have so much growth in those times, but then the big ugly monster would reappear.

5. Was it always about staying out too late? Yes or not coming home.

6. How did I approach him with what he was doing? I tried everything, being calm, ignoring it, yelling. I even tried joining him. It got to a point where I would drink like him, just to be with him and spend time. I hated that, becoming that person. But I wanted to be with him so much and save our marriage.
My question for you guys is regarding the detachment. Make him see, how do I do that because I haven’t seen him since 8/31. He won’t see me. He said that seeing me may cause him to change his mind. Yes things are moving fairly quickly. He dropped the bomb on 9/1 and I got papers on 9/22. From what I typed above it seems as though it was never good. I don’t want this, even though this may be best… I lost everything though. My dream, my home, his family became mine. No one is talking to me, it’s just me. It hurts.