The crack in my separated life...

[Sweetbriar]

The only contact we have now is about the kids and visitation. I am really trying hard to be positive towards him...and I have been doing a good job at it. I have not engaged in any of his attempts to argue.

I am told very regularly from friends and family that I am TOO NICE!

I woke up sad today...have this undying urge lately to contact him but I dont. Life has gotten a tad easier...the things that used to be hard to do are coming a bit easier to do. My kids keep me going everyday, as does the importance of being healthy during pregnancy! I still have anxiety over what will be after the baby is born. I think I just need to have no expectations...so if he wants to be a part, or not, I will be okay.

H sent D a text yesterday of a picture that is hanging in his parents house of my girls as babies...its a collage I put together for his parents many years ago. He told D that his parents really care and love them (the girls) and that they need to give them a chance regardless of their flaws. I wonder if looking at these pictures of our babies makes him sad? I wonder if he ever thinks about us and had a smidge of doubt about what he is doing? I will never know the answers to these questions.

My family is now saying that I better never take him back if he did come back. They are so disappointed at the way he has hurt my kids and I. That makes it harder for me when I hear this from them because it makes me wonder that if he ever did have a change of heart, would we be able to rise above?

I guess I need to stop thinking of how things would be IF we were to get back together and focus on how things are now.

He has been gone 3 months now...and I feel like it gets easier for him to forget about me and "us" the longer he stays away:(