Quote: A classic movie cliché involves a gun slinging hero or heroine realising, at an absolutely crucial moment, that there is only one bullet left in their revolver. It then becomes essential for their next shot to count or they will be left defenceless. There's a sense in which you seem to be running out of ammunition to fire at a vital target. <snip> ... but you no longer have a range of alternative ways to solve a particular problem. Don't worry. Just aim cleverly and pick your moment carefully.
wow, my eighth thread on this bb ... where does the time go???
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POSITIVES
1) watched not one but TWO movies again last night, oh my god! we watched the original 1969 version of the italian job and then the new one
2) he went grocery shopping last afternoon, came home with these little yellow peppers that i absolutely ENJOY - they were NOT on the list, and the store has been out of them for MONTHS - so it shows me that he was looking - just for me
3) he made a little extra money yesterday, enough that he came home and he told me to make an appt to get my haircut - i usually have to ask him for a little money for anything, and i have been needing a haircut for a long while but money has been SO TIGHT that i haven't brought it up
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ok, dealing with some stuff in my head, wanna journal (thank you t2, deb, and cathy for walking me thru this yesterday, just woke up this morning still feeling a bit 'confused')
as most of you know, i am supposed to go to california to help out my niece who is having major surgery and has 6 kids. she needs complete bedrest for at least 5 weeks after surgery because of the way she scars or the surgery will be for naught - her surgery is scheduled for feb 13
her mother (my sister) is leaving for hawaii to help my 82 year old mother with some things on the 19th of this month, and when she returns she is making a long distance move
her sister (my other niece) is getting foot surgery and she is also making a move at the beginning of feb
she has no other "blood" family available - she does have her husbands mother and sister, but i know if i were in her position i would rather have my own flesh and blood around
anyhow, over the past weekend, my niece suffered a set back, in which she started swelling from an infection as a direct result of the needed surgery. she was going to go in for emergency surgery but her dr said NO that he was the one that wanted to do the surgery based on his knowledge of her case and the difficulty of the surgery. so they pumped her up with painkillers and antibiotics and sent her home
she is now on standby for a cancellation but until then, she is pretty much out of it because of the medications
so i call my husband yesterday after i find all of this out, and tell him bascially, that i am on call. if she gets a cancellation i will hop on the plane and go there and be there while she is still in the hospital
so he says to me, wow, her quality of life right now pretty much sucks. he said, why don't you consider going there now since it looks like she really needs your help
i said, hubby, i don't want to be there for 7 weeks because this is my home and i don't want to be gone that long. so he was like, well you do what you need to do but it really seems like she could use your help now, and at least you would be there already if she got a cancellation and then you could spend your four weeks and come back home - i only want you there 4 weeks after her surgery
ok, so i hang up the phone and why i don't know but little red flags went up everywhere. here are my fears
1) he really WANTS me to go (get a break from me) 2) he will figure out while i am gone that he really doesn't need me and he won't want me to come back 3) he will find comfort in the arms of another (stupid i know, we are not intimate - he could do that now, and when we were intimate he was having an affair) 4) i will find out that i really don't need HIM and wont want to come back home 5) that if something DOES happen then i will be blamed by friends and family - well goodness kitti, you were GONE for 7 weeks, what did you expect???
personally? i would love to go for that long, i will be very busy after her surgery taking care of her family - so if i go before i will be able to spend some time with old friends and have some fun - and realistically, i could USE the break from my sitch
one other thing, money is very tight for us right now, and his truck is in the shop needing more than $500 worth of repairs, money we do not have. i think part of his wanting me to go is that i would be very well taken care of there, he wouldn't have to worry about getting his truck back yet, and biz for him usually picks up in feb
Kitti - where in CA is your niece? I'm in San Diego, and there are lots of DBers in LA and SF - something to look forward to, lunch with one of us?
And somehow I missed the fact that you and H aren't being intimate right now - what's that about? Don't blame you for not wanting to leave with that still unresolved - maybe you could jump his bones tonite?
