Realistic Optimist Hard At Work

[Just A Guy]

W said she wanted to go to a CristKindl Market tonight... Its a German Holiday market in town thats supposed to be a lot of fun.. Was glad to hear her ask me to do something with her...

[Just A Guy]

We had an awesome time last night at the market... It was a splendid night. And best part is I was my old confident self with a sense of humor and pep in my step. Then afterwards I went out and played some poker with some friends who are just learning.

When I returned home W and I had a 30 min conversation about her mother who is going through some serious anger and ocd issues right now.. on top ofthat she treats my fil like crap.. W started tearing up and I just listened and let her get it out.

I really have filled in my stronger characteristics well over the past fee days with W although this morning was tough. W was talking about her finances and future etc... in a singular fashion instead of "us" or "we" as she used to be so adamant about its now "me" and "I". I tried so hard to hide that those statements affect me. I only let a litte sad guy out before slapping myself mentally and getting back to the awesome man I am..

I work all day today and my mom is going to come visit with a close family friend. Will be nice to see her.. nothing soothes the soul better than a hug from mom...

[Just A Guy]

Yesterday was good for me, but definitely more detaching from W on the home front.. We are really good at being room mates though.

I was busy all day at work, made progress in my start up venture, ate proper meals and was complimented many times by customers. Work is about to take off as well. the business has completely turned around and I was told by the owner that I was a big part of that turn around. Made me feel great to know that I have a positive impact on things even though I am going through some rocky times.

After work, W, SIL and I had some dinner and watched a movie. I promptly went to bed and got an amazing night sleep. Today I feel awake and refreshed, hoping to get out of work early enough to take the pups on a hike.

I am about one month away from the start up biz getting into the high demand for my time stage.. Excited to say the least...

[Just A Guy]

So I still feel anger bubbling up to the surface, I repress it and it turns to anxiety and I get the feelings of an anxiety attack.

I used to have these a while ago and they are absolutely awful. I really dont want them to come back.. How does everyone deal with the anger and frustration? Anyone have any good unique tactics?? I already work out like crazy, surround myself WITH work etc...

[Just A Guy]

Went and worked out plus got to vent to a friend... That helped release a bunch of the anger..

Got to get to the bottom of the anger and rectify it before it starts popping up in other facets of my life.

Our finances should be in order enough soon for me to start going to karate, I think that would help as well.

W is sooooooo nice to me at home all the time that its hard to find things to stand my ground on and show her that I am growing a backbone and learning to deal with conflict instead of avoiding it. I have stood up for myself several times at work and she has found out about those times which is a plus, but I know she wants to see the new ME first hand as well.

Today she has an appt with IC then tomorrow we go to MC.. I am preparing myself for the worst possible scenario at this MC session since it seams that after returning from retreat W is more solidified in her decision.

Going to be a great day at work today, AND my father and I finished the schematics for our prototype which we will be able to send off to manufacture soon and really crank that project up..

[labug]

What's your anger about? Why are you repressing it?

That usually doesn't work out well.

[Just A Guy]

I think my anger is about the fact that W committed to R when BD #1 and to leaving no stone un-turned before making any decision when BD #2 happened. Not to mention M vows not once but TWICE (we had a large ceremony outdoors and a small W in a church as well).

Everything she is doing now is anti - staying together.. I am willing to set her on her mission but we are just sitting in limbo... Its so hard to move on when your in total limbo, there is no OM, no abuse, no depression. Just negativity towards the R and since we live together, sleep together and she still calls me her H and wears her rings its friggen frustrating...

She skirts around issues yet wants me to "grow a pair", she says she is tired of not hearing my feelings and emotions but when I tell her them she just bottles up her own. She agrees to read some books together and work on some exercises but when I say lets do them she backs out and I don't push because I dont want her to do it because of me pushing..

I am angry because my W lied to me this past B-day telling me "she loves the direction we are headed as a couple and as individuals, I have a feeling this is going to be our best year yet". I am mad because she felt desire towards another man but does not seem interested in feeling desire towards me.....

[AnotherStander]

I tried so hard to hide that those statements affect me. I only let a litte sad guy out before slapping myself mentally and getting back to the awesome man I am..[/quote]

I love that comment!! Keep it up brother!

[quote=Just A Guy]So I still feel anger bubbling up to the surface, I repress it and it turns to anxiety and I get the feelings of an anxiety attack.

Like Bug said, don't repress that anger. It'll just come back bigger and nastier at the most inopportune time. Have you read the Happiness Trap? It gets into a lot of tips and techniques for handling "unwanted" emotions. The basic concept is that we need to quit thinking of emotions as good or bad, but see them all as necessary and normal. Once we see them that way, we quit trying to fight "bad" ones and embrace "good" ones, but instead let them all happen and learn to handle them without changing our approach towards life.

[AnotherStander]

Sorry, screwed up the formatting on that last post. Here is how it should look:

I tried so hard to hide that those statements affect me. I only let a litte sad guy out before slapping myself mentally and getting back to the awesome man I am..

I love that comment!! Keep it up brother!

So I still feel anger bubbling up to the surface, I repress it and it turns to anxiety and I get the feelings of an anxiety attack.

Like Bug said, don't repress that anger. It'll just come back bigger and nastier at the most inopportune time. Have you read the Happiness Trap? It gets into a lot of tips and techniques for handling "unwanted" emotions. The basic concept is that we need to quit thinking of emotions as good or bad, but see them all as necessary and normal. Once we see them that way, we quit trying to fight "bad" ones and embrace "good" ones, but instead let them all happen and learn to handle them without changing our approach towards life.

[Just A Guy]

I am trying to keep it up, I just keep seeing that awful spot where I have to let her out on her mission approaching. I am almost sure that she is going to have to do her thing before even considering R...

Thanks for the support and the book recommendations all!!!