The Lure of the Siren

[Arsene]

Hi 25,

Thanks for dropping by and commenting.

OTOH when your d said you'd been a good boy but your w does not believe it - instead of saying your w is the bad girl, '"Jokingly" , crazy

you could have asked why w didn't believe it...or "Jokingly" promised the changes are real. I think every thing said there had truth darts in it. BUT

I doubt your w thinks SHE is being evil, at least not consciously. So what did that conversation achieve?

You are right 25. I wish I'd handled this differently as well. It took me by surprise and all I could think of is trying to validate W's feelings so I told D8 that mommy was entitled to her opinion and that it was ok. I also didn't want to start a R talk but I felt I should say something else and that's when the "joke" came out. I guess these are still remnants of my passive aggressive behaviour.


2nd time you make this assumption but do NOT KNOW, so why bother going there? Does it help you at all?


I know. It doesn't help but these are the thoughts that go through my mind. I try to chase them but it's usually too late when I catch myself. That is one of the reasons I want to detach so much right now.

and Kudos to you for finding your own path. If you read Dobson then you know the approach and have chosen this MWD DB approach instead. You have the right to do that and besides this is a DB site anyhow.

Stick to whatever approach you take and give it enough time to assess. I don't think you've been at DBing for long ( I know you haven't) and sometimes folks just see HER timeline, not yours.

Keep on keeping on but I'd sure like to hear some of those details in your vision of what life would look like

if you were single and happy...or NOT single but not with your w.

Thanks for the words of encouragement 25. I intend on sticking with this plan until the end of December before I re-assess what needs to be done next (unless some thing happens before then of course).

I'm not sure I can describe what a happy life without W would be right now 25. I know it is possible and I know I will get there if I need to but I haven't thought much about it, busy as I was trying to get my life in order around here.

I guess I see myself being a single father, spending a lot of time with my girl. I would like to settle down somewhere around this country as I don't think I can go back to the west after 12 years living in developing countries. Besides, life around here can be quite good and household help is affordable so I don't need to rely on daycare/babysitters to take care of D8 and still have an adult life.

I can't imagine getting married again. I got burned twice and now I'll stay away from the flame, at least for a while. I can imagine seriously dating again in a few years, to give myself time to heal and D8 time to adjust to our new situation.

Financially, I'd hope to continue on the path I've taken recently with the cafe and band management. If either of these picks up I could do very well and still have plenty of time for D8. If not, I can probably get another 10 to 15 years off teaching and hopefully something will come along by then. D8's education is covered as MIL has got her in her inheritance for a very nice sum so that is one thing less to worry about.

I'll give it more thought 25 but that's what I can think about off the top of my head.

Thanks again for your help and your time 25. I really appreciate.