Crazy Strange Glorious

[tpc1977]

My wife came to pick the girls up yesterday after church. She was beautiful - thin, nicely dressed, tall (platform shoes). They went to eat. She asked them to go with her yesterday but since the OM was going neither really wanted to go. So they decided to go today. Not sure if my wife senses rejection or even cares.

While they were gone, I recovered the second chair. I was pretty pleased with the results. Later, when they got back, I asked my wife if she liked them. She gave me a sort of, "Uh ... yeah, I noticed that." She wouldn't acknowledge it on her own. Why? Who really knows. I can't psychoanalyze her. I don't know what she does what she does.

I also took a much needed nap. I felt horrible the day before and this morning. Just worn out. After an hour or so, I got up and made some sauce for spaghetti. I cook more and enjoy it.

Actually, I enjoy just about every aspect of being a single man - except the fact that I'm single. The house-keep, the cooking, the time with the girls. After my wife got home we spoke a bit about things and this subject came up. I even surprised myself by telling her this. I really do love raising these girls and keeping the house nice. She mentioned that there were many times where she didn't.

Well, she doesn't have to worry about it much at all now.

Maybe it's because I'm a little more organized and I get to things a lot sooner in the day. I have a propensity to do things immediately, rather than let it sit. And ironically, it's something I'm working on doing less of even though it makes life here a bit easier.

One of the major issues in our marriage was me always doing what I thought I needed to before anything else. I pushed everything and everyone aside to do what "I" thought needed to get done first. Lately, I have been trying to drop whatever it is I'm doing in order to deal (or even sit) with my daughters. I've been giving things more time to wait.

My wife asked me later (another subject now) if I put into our daughter's head that made her dislike, or not even want to go near, the OM. I told her that I have mentioned she should never have a grudge and never harbor hate. Ultimately, she has the choice whether or not she hangs out with him, but she doesn't need to be ugly about it. What she has told me, and my wife, was that she didn't want to hang out with a guy who destroyed a family. How could she like him at all. My wife asked if she even knew that it wasn't him, or her alone. She does. Many times I have talked to our daughter about everything I had done to push my wife and my kids away. I have also asked for forgiveness - still do when the subject comes up.

I think showing my daughters that I am really trying to make it right proves I am truly sorry for what I've done. Honestly, I want to put their needs first. I want them to feel this worth in their lives that I didn't

More later ... I need to workout a bit. I still eat like I burn 50,000 calories a week. Time to change another habit.