I have been fearing Christmas and the holidays. Trying to keep hope that we will be working things out by then. That is most unlikely to happen.
When my sitch started almost 5 months ago I was sure it would be resolved one way or the other by Christmas. It just seemed such a loooong way off. But now here we are knocking on the door and I'm sure my sitch will drag on well beyond Christmas now. All I can say is try not to be afraid, it may not be the happiest of seasons for any of us but we can choose to enjoy it regardless. I certainly plan to. Any time away from work and with my kids is reason enough to be happy
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I need to face the fact that i will be sharing my children on Christmas day and during the holiday season. It's going to hurt and it's going to be hard but we will get through it.
In DR Michele talks about an example of acting "as if"- she said she expected her H to be in a bad mood when she returned from a trip because he was ALWAYS in a bad mood when he picked her up. Then a fellow therapist asked her how she would act towards him if he wasn't in a bad mood. She said what she would do, and the therapist said "then do that and see how he responds". Michele did it and she said her H had never been in such a good mood after a trip. In other words, her own attitude changed the attitude of those around her. So if you go into the holidays telling yourself "this is going to be horrible, but somehow I will survive" then guess what, it's going to be horrible. BUT, how about if you went into it saying "my sitch is horrible, but I'm going to have the best holidays EVER in spite of it!" Then what do you end up with? A PMA. You GAL. You ENJOY yourself in SPITE of H. There's also a trickle down effect where people see your H and say "I saw SS over the holidays and she looked fantastic and sounded so upbeat and positive!" That makes your H wonder what's up with you. And he'll want to find out. This is what DB'ing is all about- change YOURSELF. That is what H will notice.
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I have been feeling concerned because H asked if i wanted to get back together in a text message just after he told me he slept with OW's . I said i honestly don't know, I doubt you would want to if i had slept with OM.
Perfect response, leave it at that. You want to make him wonder if he could lose you. You want to be a bit mysterious.
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I have been fighting myself over weather to send him a email telling him i do want to get back together but how it i felt about it.
I wouldn't. If he asks again you could up the ante by saying something like "I've thought about it and would consider reconciling, but there is a lot of hard work we'd have to invest first". He needs to know you don't have a revolving door policy with him.
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Had i just said yes i do, what would that have been telling him? That is okay to treat me like that? Well it's not okay.
