The crack in my separated life...

[Sweetbriar]

SS...H's biggest complaint about me was that I didnt help financially (even though we had agreed that I would be SAHM) and now I have a job to start! He also complained that I always pointed out the negatives in him and not the positives. He needed way more affirmation that I gave him and that is what OW did...she said all the right things to him and has made him feel really good about himself. This was the major thing since he has always had such bad self esteem. This is something I cannot show him that I can change when Im NC with him:(

Snodderly..I know that he is in a dark place and I know I cannot fix or help him but I want to sooo badly it hurts. I want him to know how loved he is and that I want to be there for him always...but I cannot tell him those things. He feels so alone right now, but I know I cannot help him. I actually feel sad for him a lot:( I wonder most days how he even makes it through without his family...the ones he loved the most. You mentioned his childhood trauma and I still find it strange that he has been so angry at his parents our whole marriage. We still have had a relationship with them, but he always held this grudge toward them for what they did to him as a child and he always knew that is what caused so much of his depression. Now, he is living there and telling them every detail of our lives and how bad I was. How I want all his money and how Im keeping him from his kids...its terrible. How is he able to confide and take advice from the people who originally damaged him?

I did go back and read those threads you recommended. Its so sad that this happens to people:( I dont know for sure he is MLC but honestly, the more I think about it, the more I believe he is...he has a lot of the symptoms and the way he literally had a switch that flipped. H actually used those words to me..that it flipped and he doesnt think he can ever flip it back.

I remember one night back in like July before he moved out, he told me that he really thought then he was in love with OW. He said that now that he sees that there is other things out there and that is when he mentioned the switch being flipped. I remember that day so well and how sad I was. He tried to come back a few times, but he just couldnt stay away from OW...he was lost in her trance by already, very early in:(

I had a very decent weekend...no tears at all:) Kept very busy and had fun with friends last night and kids today and tonight. Church tonight was great! I am so lucky to have my church family too! They all loved H and are so sad that he has chosen not to be part of our church anymore. He used to be the youth group leader and the sound board guy for the band..all stuff he loved at one point.

So weird that he has literally given up EVERYTHING he loved..not just us, but his band that he sang in, his friends, etc...the only thing I know of that he is still doing is golfing.

Anyway, about me...I finished D's room and will soon be getting ready for the nursery painting and decorating! Fun stuff!! Its gonna be a great way to distract me through the winter months! I just get so sad everytime I think about H not being here to enjoy the moments with us:(