I have been having thoughts about leaving my husband. I don't know if I can live with it anymore. Why am I not getting any better inside? Why can't I forget the OW?
They never had a PA, they only sat together at work and talked, and went for one beer with a group of people. But it is the lies, the betrayal, and the fact that I just cannot get over this.
I don't know what to do. I have been in more therapy than he has. And I cannot find a way to trust him. The feeling has been growing over time, and it's getting stronger.
Our relationship has been closer than what we were, and he is putting in A LOT of effort and energy into us.
The other day I scared him. I told him that I didn't know what I was feeling anymore. And that living fear of the bottom dropping out makes me feeling like running. He could see what I was feeling, and he got on his knees and started to cry and beg me not to leave, and that he had made a bad mistake and was a fool, and that he can't lose me or our family.
I'm trying so hard to get through these feelings. I love him, I really do, but I don't know how to cope with what he has done to me sometimes.
I'm starting to feel anger coming out again, I feel depressed.
The counselor suggested medication. NO. No more medication. I spent the year taking xanax and I will not keep medicating myself. I want to deal with my feelings, and not numb myself. Medication is not going to help me trust my husband again.
I don't know how to work through this. I'm completely lost.
