3 Years after D-Day, part 2. Separated 9 Months.

[Am I Too Late]

Updating for new thread.

Here is the link to the 1st thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2296842&page=1

I wen t back on AD meds this past week Wednesday. For some reason after i started taking them, without any known other reasons, i thought too much about my W. After 3 days the continual anxiety subsided.

W asked about picking up S-9 on Friday or Saturday, but there was a Scouting Space Rocket Derby scheduled for Saturday and Friday night we had to finish building and painting the Space Rocket.

But, she was warmly welcomed to attend the event, which she did. She showed up 1/2 late and left 1 hour before it was all over, missing out on seeing our S receive his medal and ribbon awards. Once again, she was feeling ill, with flu symptoms, an upset stomach and diarrhea.

We engaged in general casual conversations, not all child centered and i listened attentively and did my best at validating although the topics didn't require much more than a perfunctory minimal type of validation. No hot topics were discussed.

Another Scout mom mentioned to me, that while i was away from the table, my wife told her things will eventually work out.

Hmmm? I'm thinking that i shouldn't think about this 2nd hand info. So, i won't mind read.

All in all, i held back from making contact with her through the week until she finally contacted me about the weekend plans.

2 hours after she left, she texted me requesting the photos i took because she dropped her cell phone in her toilet and the screen display was Distorted. I did that for her gladly and said i hoped she had a good time and that her tummy problems were getting better.

Other than that, i did get an estimate to do and followed through.

Looking forward to watching the Bears game vs. the Texans tonight.

Also, i have made plans for next weeks Thanksgiving dinner at my sisters home and may spend the next 2-3 days in Wisconsin at her lake home or go to the Dells.

I hope i did the previous thread link correctly from my cell phone.

Ed

[Am I Too Late]

Would it help if i recap highlights from the original thread?

I could do that later today from a computer at the library better than from my cell phone.

Basically, she has moved out nearly 9 months ago and had one short relationship that ended because she said he was a jerk. She also mentioned that she finally unfriended her 1st OM, who was her 1st boyfriend from when she was 17 years old from her facebook page, which she said she did when we were in MC 2 1/2 years ago, also because he wound up being a jerk. Her words, not mine.

She has a current OM who has been around for about 6 months now from the best i can tell. He too hangs out at the bars many nights till closing time, probably along with my W and her current drinking problem.

So, how long before the current OM falls into that category? Patterns?

I guess thats my status in her eyes too.

She still is very inconsistent with visiting our S-9.

I have all of the responsibilities for him and am glad i do. Especially since her 4 year relapse after 10 years of sobriety in AA.

I do only child-centered GAL activities and volunteer at his school and with theCub Scouts, with occasional visits each week to some friends homes.

I am working part time doing construction related sales for exterior remodeling to home owners, but am activating my old company, which i let sink due to only focusing my attention on restoring our marriage and ensuring proper child activities for our S-9.

I am looking forward to my next IC session tomorrow. He used to be our MC.

I am digging out of a financial hole that happened since d-day, September 27th, 2009. It is slow going, but i am making progress. Regrets..... I needed to do this a long time ago.

Prior to d-day, i was always ahead on all bills and 2 mortgages. I used my life savings to get through the past 3 years and am rebuilding very slowly.

I can not control how my W chooses to live her life, but her sobriety used to be the thing she was most grateful for and i Pray she finds her way back to it.

Ask whatever other details you might need to follow along for my growth and independence.

Thanks to everyone who has lent a hand or a 2 x 4 in my original thread.

Ed

[Am I Too Late]

When i take my son to the library tonight for his reading book club, i am going to check out some of the courses they offer just to do something different for myself. I took a class their one time on Power-Point and it was helpful at the time.

They and the local park district have some decent things to check out, as long as my son can do something while i am busy. The library stuff would be great, because he loves going on the computers there and play kids games.

Also, before we go there, he has his karate class and maybe my W will be there. She hasn't responded to me sending her the photos from this past Saturday, when he had his Cub Scout Space Rocket Derby.

Have a great day everyone.

Ed

[leopoldstotch]

Keep detaching Ed its what is best for you. I still think YOU need YOUR own GAL activities. Dont stop the AD they take a few weeks to take full effect and you will really feel better.

[Am I Too Late]

Just journaling.

Wife did not show up to pick up our S-9 today after he got out of school as she stated she would while in attendance at this past Saturdays Cub Scout Space Rocket derby.

Also, she did not show up for his karate class and this time she did not call me to tell me she was working late like she has in the past when she missed his classes. She was off of work today due to Veterans Day.

I was not bothered by it and I have not told my son of her intentions due to her inconsistency in being reliable, so he is no worse off emotionally once again.

So, I am here at the library computer waiting for my sons book reading club to get done and then I will check out the programs they have coming up here for something for me to do, in regards to GAL.

Ed

[Am I Too Late]

Keep detaching Ed its what is best for you. I still think YOU need YOUR own GAL activities. Dont stop the AD they take a few weeks to take full effect and you will really feel better.

Thanks leopoldstotch.

As you can see, I am looking into some programs at the library in a few moments.

Thanks for the reminder though.

After all of the complete threads that I read on this site over the past week, that probably is the most recurring and consistent theme for advice I have noticed. There must be something to it, don't you think?

As far as the AD meds, I was on a different one 2 1/2 years ago for about 6 months and although I did not perceive a major difference, my IC did tell me he noted that I was not as obsessed with my Wife and the entire sitch.

Ed

[Am I Too Late]

So, it took my W 3 days to acknowledge that she received my e-mail with the photos of our S-9 from Saturdays cub scout event.

She just sent me a message back.....
Yes got the emails. Thank you. Having major issues with phone. Can only use when plugged in. Yesterday got begged to work doing landscaping. So regretted saying yes. Was miserable. Text me this evening after 7 when a good time to call eddie would be.

I will follow through and get back to her tonight, but he will be on the middle of his Drn meeting at that time.

I had to miss my IC appointment this afternoon because my van won't start for some reason and i couldn't get there, so i let him know on his VM.

Nothing else really going on but i am just posting to keep track of events.

Ed

[leopoldstotch]

Yes there is something to GAL Ed. It takes your mind off of your W and it makes you feel good about yourself.

[Am I Too Late]

Yes there is something to GAL Ed. It takes your mind off of your W and it makes you feel good about yourself.

Thanks for checking in Leopldstotch.

I made that comment tongue in cheek, btw.

I know how fervently that concept is hammered into all the DB'rs on this site.

I did read through your entire thread earlier today and empathize with the lack of reciprocation from your W. Tough decision that you are already leaning over the fence on for you. I wish you well. You two lead such separate social lives and although that is good for your GAL, is it not, More Of The Same, by continuing to be so independently active without each others involvement?

I now need to repair a starter on my van and/or replace the valve cover gaskets on my 14 year old car just to have transportation. Whenever i start saving a few bucks to try to catch up on my mortgages, i run into expensive repairs this year.

I still do think about my W alot, but it is not overwhelmingly taking over my every thought or control me so much that i don't do anything else.

I didn't find any current programs offered at the library last night to sign up for, but i received a winter park district schedule in the mail today that i will go through later.

Once again, thank you very much for checking in with me.

Ed

[leopoldstotch]

Well Ed I can't force my W to do things with me it's her choice not to be with me. I can only control what I do. It makes no sense to sit around and wait for her to either make a choice to do something whether that be D me or choose to work it out. I still love her Ed but I'm slowly realizing its her choice to live in the past so that's why I have some GAL activities and I need to pick up some more. If you read what Mr Bond posted today his advice is spot on.

Sorry you are having car trouble. When it rains it pours. I'm sure you get on your feet again. Glad to hear you aren't obsessing over your W like you were. Keep looking for things to do to occupy your time and mind.