Now Separated. Am I doing the right things?

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate your input. A couple other things. I just lost my job a couple weeks ago and I immediately started driving a cab. It’s a short term job until I find something better. I also just received a email frow W which I am posting. I also don’t know if I will be able to give her the money I owe her on the 15th and I don’t have a 401K or family to help. It also looks like she just left her job.

WHAT ARE YOUR QUESTIONS FOR US? I MEAN, the OW is a no brainer for us here. You're in no position emotionally, financially, parentally OR MARITALLY to be dating.

But you are "lonely" and yet trying to appear strong and confident. The fact that you seem so needy that you'd date an OW you're not even that crazy about, WHILE saying you want your family restored, is just not consistent. I forgot your age and mean no offense, but are you in your early 20s? I'm not being snotty but I can't see it below.

Get your money in order. You know to provide for your family and you have to know it's an attractive trait and not just for 'Shallow selfish" women but for women who are mothers. We want to know our children will be sheltered and fed...can't do that with a guy who is chronically under employed (Not saying YOU are, but in general, when men are, they tend to get left...)

Without knowing what your questions are here, I'd have to say you need to do what you need to do to make your court ordered payments OR to keep your word to your w. If you have to sell something, so be it. But one thing is clear to me.

If you are dating ANY OW and spending ANY money on her, when you cannot make a child support payment you agreed to, it's just wrong.

I hope you have had a nice weekend with the kids! I have decided to leave my job and go back to working full time. So far I have applied for 2 jobs this am. I am going to apply for 5 today! That said, I need you to give me the money we agreed upon on the 15th or I wont be able to cover our daughters daycare expenses for this month. I am assuming you requested to cash out whatever you had in your 401k and you should receive your unemployment by then, or you could ask your family.
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If any of this^^ is not accurate, calmly inform her of that. And if she is forced to ask her parents, inform her/them YOU will repay them asap. (If it were me, I'd sell something before I'd ask my inlaws to pay MY child support obligation).

Tell her you're driving a cab and whatever else you are doing. My brother drove a cab while he went to nursing school. It happens. I had a law school classmate who drove cabs and I waited tables in law school. It sure motivated me to stay in school.



I do not want to ask my parents - we always turn to them and they will be pissed. IF I get a new job, we can talk about you giving me much less for awhile until you are employed again. That is very fair and nice of me. I dont want you to be miserable Rough. I will look hard for a new job!

Acknowledge this^^^ & be grateful. She could be a lot meaner here. (Although I'm a little curious. Did she quit BEFORE finding new work?)


Speaking of jobs, my brother and I were talking about you and the fact that you are good at sales. My two cents, you should leave recruiting and look for a sales job. A route sales job like my brother that has a company car or a good car allowance. He sells beer and wine... there are a million things you could sell Rough! And I think youd like the freedom of being out in the field all day.

She's flattering you, and she may mean all of it, even if it's self serving. If there's any truth to this^^, agree and validate. Also mention your other goals in your job search, IF you have some.


Thanksgiving --- You have the kids Thanksgiving weekend and if you'd like them Thursday- Sunday so that you are with them on Thanksgiving, I am fine with that! Just let me know. As you know, we are going to PA for Christmas, I think it is fair for you to have them on Thanksgiving. I'll send you a separate email about Christmas. Please let me know about Thanksgiving.[/color]

I don't know what your agreements were about this^ So I can't really comment except if you take all those days, how will you also work?

And are you going to make plans for Christmas so you aren't miserable? Make plans NOW so you are not alone.

Let her and the kids experience Christmas morning without you (b/c you have no choice anyhow) and trust me, IT will NOT be as good as it was with you.

The kids will tell her, YOU don't have to. She'll know...

Otherwise I'm not sure what you are asking so I'll leave it at this.

Good luck Rough, keep posting and keep on keeping on.

I recall a BAD Xmas for us in '05...but when h stopped by and then left to go away again, I took the kids for a weekend of barely affordable skiing. We had a cabin with a huge flatscreen, and we skiied and went sledding and had a ball. Outdoor hot tub, etc.

Proved we could have fun with or without h. And I relaxed! Man that was a good idea. If it were warmer we could have gone camping-cheap too, but the point is, plan something for when you see the kids over that break and have FUN with them. Build memories with them...your w will feel left out.

And that's okay. Do NOT invite her. This is for you and your r's with the kids.

Make sense?