Just wanted to update on progress: there has been some which I'm happy about. I'm writing here now, though, so that I don't screw up the good work which has been done so far, because what's missing is the emotional connection and intimacy and closeness we had. I also feel a little sad today, just missing the real H. He still looks at me when he's talking to me but through his mood and the pot haze and all, I can't see the truly loving looks I was getting a few weeks ago, and it's crushing. I don't know how to act sometimes when we're eating together and there's no R or M to talk about. Not bringing up the future, or the holidays, or anything M-ish is tough to do!
I am grateful that he's now sleeping inside (on the couch, but it's baby steps)... he also made me a really nice dinner the other night and has been spending some home time with me just hanging out. I am being loving in my actions to him, just not in my words right now. (Like no saying ILY). The hardest part I think has been not asking any questions about what his plan is, does he still want to leave or not, etc. and not talking about the M! The other difficult thing is that he's still not wearing his ring. Sometimes this is next to impossible. I always like to have answers and the not knowing is ridiculously hard. However, I'm still reading DR and DBing and doing 180s, and GAL....as far as I have learned, asking about the M is off limits right now.
I don't see evidence of any OW right now, aside from one text from a coworker of his that has been all over him since she started working with him. She texted him something yestersay like "got your VM - sounds good". Which could be about work, or something else. I don't want to obsess on it, but it is bothering me because I can't confront him or ask about it. And I know we're not supposed to be checking messages but I'm doing so many things, I'm finding it hard not to want to know what he's doing sometimes. I don't know if I can deal with another A. Sometimes I feel like it's just too much. On a positive note, I'm not convinced he is starting one, I'm just hypersensitive right now.
