Sweetbriar, I'm going to be very blunt here, but please understand that I am speaking from experience...it would not matter whether he were at home and surrounded by people who loved him, he would still be doing what he's doing, but it would be far worse on you and your family. If he's in mlc, if it weren't this woman, it would have been someone else.
Your h is in a dark place, a place where he needs to go to find himself and grow up. He was emotionally stunted as a child and now he's having to go back in time and find that place and try to repair his inner self. YOU can't help him.
Yes, he's going to try to control and manipulate you because control and money are the two areas where they really exert themselves during the crisis.
He asked if you were dating for three possible reasons: 1) if you were dating, it would alleviate some of the guilt he's feeling because he's doing it; 2) if you are dating, then he will feel better about himself; and 3) he doesn't want someone else to be in your life. Why? Because he wants you to stay right where he left you pre-crisis. Even though he says he's not coming back and doesn't want to be w/you, he still doesn't want anyone else to have you either. Crazy, isn't it? He is only thinking of himself right now and what will alleviate the guilt and shame he's feeling.
He can't see the hardship he's created because he's in crisis. There is not quick and easy fix or snap your fingers fix to a crisis. Please take some time and read some of the threads in the mlc forum. You will see that your h is no different than some of those that are discussed there. I suggest you read the threads by reachingHigher, LoisB, and Sunnyburt. They are all parents having to deal w/husbands that have flipped their switches.
The more you learn about your h's crisis, the better you will understand what he's going through. Sweetbriar, no one can fix your h...except God and himself.
Keep focusing on you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
