Ruby, thanks so much for the reply. Where did you get the name rubytuesday? The reason I ask is because about 20 years ago, I spent two of the best years of my life working for that chain.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
"It's funny. My STBXW has GAL'd to a tee. Why do I have so much trouble doing the same thing? She spends every weekend (I have the kids) spending the night with friends and going out. For some reason, it really makes me jealous how she can get over it that easily. I really need to do this."
It's different for the two of you. In her heart, she was slowly leaving you for over a period of time. The reason it seems like she has no problem living it up is b/c she was more than ready to live the life of a single person. But you have not been able to adjust to thinking of yourself having a life outside of any activity that doesn't include her. Maybe it's part of the mourning the LBS does, IDK.
I feel that a lot of WAW's mourn the loss of their happy MR with their H's. Some of them may not realize that's exactly what they're doing at the time....but they do. After the mouning, then they are ready to let go. So, she has already been through that process, and you haven't. You are still mouning. You don't want to GAL b/c it doesn't feel right. However, from what I've learned, it does help a lot. You just have to make yourself do it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I agree. She has been through the process. I think she has let go, as she is living the life of a single person. I have to say that hope has done left the building for me in regards to the M.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
You've been at this a short time Grateful. It took your W a long time to get to this point and it's going to take a long time for her to reconsider.
To be frank, I don't see you utilizing your time wisely making the necessary changes that are within your control. In what ways are you different now then when your W dropped the bomb? What makes you think that she would believe your relationship could be better? She needs to see changes in you that have to be consistent longer than 2 months.
Time to get busy.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
You are right. Most of my changes have been internally which most people will not be able to see. For years (yes years), I wasn't there as the head of the household, spirtual leader, etc. Now, I want to be there, and I can't. Just like Sandi said, STBXW has had years to detach. GAL is hard to do for me, since I still want a life with her that she doesn't want. I hope that I realize this soon and do something.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
You are absolutely right about her "not letting me." I leader leads no matter what circumstances he or she it in. It is frustrating when you finally realize what needs you weren't providing and now it is not looking good. Funny how things happen that way.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
