The crack in my separated life...

[Sweetbriar]

If he came home, he would be surrounded by people who really, truely love him. He would be here for his son, who is to be born in 3 1/2 months and he would be able to enjoy all the moments of him growing up.

H is very sad right now...I can tell by his texts, his calls and the things that the kids mention when they are out with him. He cries very easily now.

What do you mean? What changes have I made that he will benefit from if he returned?

I went out last night and had tons of fun! Went with a group of friends that were both our friends, and of course, H comes up in our conversations. One of the guys, who WAS H's bestfriend before H up and left, said that they ahd breakfast together last week and H isnt as happy as I think. But in another breath, this guy tells me that after the baby is born, I will find someone so great to be with and I will be happy. So, I assumed that he was telling me to not waste my time and to move on. Of course, my last thought is other men right now...but this guy and another that knows my H well was telling me how attractive and fun I am and that I will have no problem with dating. (these are the husbands of my best friends...so they were being real, not flirty!)

I also found out the H asked D14 if I was seeing anyone...not sure how she answered...my D11 told me that H asked a week or so ago. Why would he even care? He has OW to be with so what does it matter what I do? I just dont understand...

So, as much fun as I had last night...I still missed H. He would have been there with us...he would have been hugging me and telling me how much he loved me...as he ALWAYS did. I guess its just still too fresh for me to not think of him when we are out doing things we used to do. I just still cannot come to grips that he up and left so fast and furious?

Life is hard right now for both he and I...why cannot he see that? Why cant he see that he has created this hardship by leaving and not working on our marriage?

I guess the grass IS greener for him....at least some patches of it...