Next step? Any ideas?

[Starbag]

I feel like he made up his mind. It seems like he is basically living his life like he is single or already divorced. He has his OW, he has his other friend circle. He is living in another city. So he doesn't care about me apparently, and he is just hoping that time will make me give up and ask him to divorce me. I moved to his hometown so I don't have much support here. His parents are still nice to me which I really appreciate. But they do not want to get involved into this. Smart for them. Plus they both got divorced before, so they seem to be a good example of a 2nd marriage to my H.

[Starbag]

Help please.....

I focus on my H too much.... It just doesn't seem like he would ever ever contact me.

[Starbag]

I keep having this idea of calling him or going to visit him the past a few days. And I KNOW i can't. This feeling inside is so horrible..... He is making future plans with the OW and I am like trash to him.

[Grateful]

I am in the same boat as you. I keep mulling these reasons to contact her, but I know that I can't (and won't). WAS's know our numbers, and they can contact us if they wish.

[Starbag]

Hi Grateful, I know..... I just feel like how can he be like this. It's been almost 2 months... N C....And he's living it up with the OW.....How can he just do this and have no words with me.

[Just A Guy]

Star, you really need to find things to do. It sounds like you have waaaaaay to much free time to obsess about H.

This was how I was in the beginning stages of my sitch, and its hard to figure out what to do especially since you hurt and don't FEEL like having a good time...

My biggest realization was that I was only robbing ME by wallowing in pity and misery, that just like I had told W that our M is a choice she can make MY happiness is a choice I can make as well..

As soon as I started to focus on myself I felt better. I still have a LONG LONG LONG road but I know now more than ever that I will be okay..

You will be amazed at how different life looks wehn you get the first glimpse of detaching..

((((()))))

[Starbag]

Thank you so much!!! Just A Guy! My mind goes crazy from time to time. And I did spend too much time obsessing on my H. Thanks for sharing your experience and talk to me. I assume this is what I need to calm my crazy mind and once again start to focus on myself! I feel like I am weak. Like I read posts here and read the book, but when it comes to my situation again, I surrender to my weakness. Then I just start to question why why why..... Thanks for your help. I feel better and yes, I'll keep trying to focus on myselfff!

[Just A Guy]

Are you kidding me, I think we ALL are weak when it comes to our own sitch's and we are SUPER strong when it comes to others.. lol

Thats what makes this site great is all the outside eyes looking at your sitch and helping..

Just dont make the mistake I did. I though I was doing well but I was fooling myself, I was still not letting go of controlling the situation. And now I have anger bubbling up again.. You need to LET go DETACH and GAL, its the only way to get over the initial hump...

You are your main obstacle!

[Starbag]

lol. yes, I agree!

And yes, this site has been a great help. But sometimes, I wish my situation would start to "change" a little bit. So far, it is just us having no contact at all for one and half month. It seems like forever. And I know my GAL part is not much yet, i gotta work on that.

What mistake did you make?

I found it extremely hard getting up in the mornings, and yes, i am my main obstacle! I do realize that I haven't changed THAT much, and H is not going to notice much if we do have any contact..sigh..I know much more time is needed, but meanwhile, I am scared of what is coming up.

[labug]

Hi Starbag, (does that have a meaning?) I haven't read your thread before today and just read your first post on this new thread and these last few.

Your job isn't to sit and wait for him to do anything. Your job is to go out and GAL, really Get A Life, separate from him. He's moved on or so it seems, there is nothing you can do about that/ Will he change his mind? Who knows? What is certain is that you need to take care of yourself and move forward with your life as you see fit. I know this is so painful but it does get better.

What are you doing for yourself? I just skimmed your other thread and see a lot of writing about snooping and your H and OW but very little about you.

You're 25 and probably have a lot of interests. If not cultivate some, volunteer somewhere, that's a great way to get your mind off your troubles. Exercise, take a dance class, joing a book club there are any number of things you could do other than worry about what H will do.

I know DB says don't believe some percentage of what they say or do but I think it's realistic for the time being to believe his actions and words. That may change in the future but for now leave him to his path.

And you set out on yours.