From the Ministry of Silly Walks (LoisBThread3)

[LoisB]

Thanks for the kind words.

Feeling pretty low. Had a good cry last night. Taking it easy today. I feel irritated by everything.

I told him today wasn't a good day to come over. I explained I needed my focus to stay on me, the business and the girls--I was honest and said that after our visit, I couldn't focus...could only think about how he laughed at my financial contribution, the reality of his relationship with the OW and the fact he was most likely with her right now... "I HAVE to keep the focus on me. If you would like to visit the girls/help next weekend, let me know. Hope you take care of yourself."

No response.

I'm not sure how I feel about him helping around the house. I know there's an element of guilt, but I also know he misses us and prob misses putzing around the yard. So, part of me says too bad Bucky, you left...another part of me sees at as his way of reaching out to us and stepping back into our lives. Don't know what I will do about that...yet.

Seems best for him to see me as little as possible. My gut tells me that communicating via phone and text is ok as long as he initiates it--or I am only starting the interaction with kids/business info. My gut also tells me that his true feelings are rising to the surface. I need to be a bit of a phantom and only allow him over once a week or even once every two weeks. He can imagine what's going on with me in terms of my GAL.

Part of me feels like a one night stand is in order. He needs to see this doesn't work just one way. Obviously, that's prob the hurt talking, but another part of me isn't sure I could ever accept him back if he didn't experience how it feels on some level-if the playing field wasn't level. Night after night, knowing where he is and who he is with. This is pure evil, the darkest hell I've ever known and the hurt part of me wants him to experience it. Sick but my truth today.

I have awesome neighbors and friends. I don't really need his help. I have put together a great network of support for jobs around the house. It's working really well.

Need to get over this hump. I can't believe MLC. Two days ago, he was telling me I was the one and only. He had made this horrible mistake and now he's back making it.

shi-.