Back to Square One?

[Wendylon]

Thank you, Tori and ForeverYoung. Yes, FY, I will sit down with him before I give up. Remind me if I forget! Tori, that's a good question. Right now, I'm still much more aware of what I don't like! Hopefully, I'll feel like getting around to what I do like about H at some point.

This morning was rough. If it weren't for this board, I would have done some major backsliding.

First of all, I was a bit put out that H immediately jumped out of bed when we woke up and then wasn't on the case with S13 (who is meant to be his responsibility in the mornings). I was then trying to light the pilot light again on our oven and he had a go at me and said that I was obsessed and that it wasn't going to work. I knew we wouldn't get it working fully, but at least it produces a little heat with the pilot light on. He said rubbish to that (though he is wrong). Anyway, I was a bit quiet and so he then went on a tirade about how I definitely couldn't be upset just because of the Aga (oven) but that there was something else and that he didn't like me lying to him! He then left (supposedly to help his cousin with her slow internet connection).

He can't call me controlling because I haven't been. Instead, he's called me lazy yesterday in the context of asking him for IT help and obsessed today and then accused me of lying. It really feels as if he's upping the ante. He's never criticised me about anything other than being controlling but obviously is trying to come up with other things.

I'm really tempted to spill it all out and tell him that I feel hurt that he seems so indifferent/hostile to me. I get the tiniest crumbs from him. I know though that if I start saying that I don't feel loved, it will allow him to say that he feels just the same (unloved) and that it's difficult for him to feel loving towards me because he's been so deeply hurt by me over the years (not respecting him, etc..) You'd think I'd had the A and was the one now behaving weirdly.

Tonight we go out for our Sunday dinner date. I'm sure he'll push for R talk and that it could easily deteriorate. It's as if he was accusing me of what he knew he was guilty of. It felt as if he wanted to feel justified in going out to do whatever by having a fight with me.

My H feels like a combination of Regretful's H and MKB's H. He's trying to bait me and he's just not that into me!

It's so much easier to see what not to do in looking at others' sitches. I will try not to fall for the baiting. I will also try to get my nourishment elsewhere for now. It's just not going to be forthcoming from H. I know I can't make him be nicer to me by asking. I need to GAL!

Any advice on how best to deflect him baiting me about how I must be hiding something from him (the only thing I'm hiding is this board!). I feel infuriated by him being suspicious of me when he's the one who is behaving oddly and coldly.