The Lure of the Siren

[Arsene]

CB, I've got enough things going on in my life right now and I don't really want to spend too much more time on this difference of opinion.

I don't expect things to be sugar-coated but I sure don't need to have them sh!t-coated either mate.

You have to chill and realise that one may listen to and value your opinion and still not follow your advice. There are more than one ways to succeed and I am sorry if I am following the one recommended by MWD and not yours but hey, it's her book I bought and it's her advice that I will follow, primarily, until it stops working for my sitch.

You may not think I have a plan but that is because what I call a plan doesn't follow your opinion. Am I consistent? Hell no. I'm going through hell on a daily basis so it's tough to be consistent. I have setbacks and doubts. Sometimes I come on here with a new idea, a new attitude, which I voice and swear to uphold until it, or I crash. Then I get myself back up and move on.

I am growing and learning at my own pace and I totally appreciate that you would like to save me loads of hardship and aggravations but the same way we can't tell a WAS what to do because they need to figure it our for themselves, i guess you can't tell a LBS what to do either. We all have to figure it our for ourselves. You may not have noticed it, but I am also consistent in many ways, mainly in following the LRT, which you seem to be confusing with the After LRT.

FY makes many good points in his post.

Yes you do, and there is certainly much value in that. But how many relationships do you actually know the outcomes of? Dozens? Hundreds? Are they primarily from this board? What about the hundreds of thousands of other ones? I doubt there are any valid statistics regarding overall outcomes per technique here. Not that it would even matter if there was, since every situation is different, and what works in one relationship may be a game ender in another.

Like with the “After the Last Resort Technique” advised by many in this thread. Michele in DR:

However, you shouldn’t do it (After the last resort technique) unless you are prepared to end your marriage because that’s just what it might do. However, it might serve as a wake-up call to your spouse that you love him/her enough that you are prepared to let go, then back off completely. Don’t spend time together. Don’t speak on the phone unless it’s about you children. Have as little face-to-face contact as possible. Don’t do nice things anymore. Don’t call. Don’t e-mail. Don’t initiate contact of any sort. Don’t allow your spouse to feel that there is a relationship between you any longer. Continue this emotional cutoff until your spouse gets the point that there will be no relationship of any sort until the OP is completely out of the picture.

This last, last-resort technique is one that will force you to take a strong stand. It’s not for the faint of heart. Once you make the statement that you’re done, you have to be willing to follow through. If you waffle, you will lose all of your credibility. So don’t use this method unless you’re prepared to see it through all the way to the end.

Is the Last –Last Resort Technique truly the best chance for Arsene to save his marriage and propel him to the new marriage he wants with his wife? Is he ready to make this move, or for the possible consequences of it?

You mention that the LBS being too eager to please the WAS seems to be a theme here. So does the rush/push to the “After the Last Resort Technique”, I’d say.

Like our buddy Cadet likes to say, this is all a crap shoot, there are no guarantees.

CB, I'm not asking you to stop posting. I said (so many times it seems) that I value every perspective as they allow me to be better equipped to make the best decision for my sitch. In fact, I acknowledged that I might have to go your way at some point in my sitch on many occasions.

I'm also not asking you to sugar-coat what you say. What I am asking is to not be so demeaning and judgmental towards other opinions/people. I've got enough negativity to deal with down my end and don't really need to be made to feel like an idiot when I come on here. Try using the better communication skills you must have learned while you were DBing to get your point across.

Thanks for your time.