He's Just Not That Into You

[Wendylon]

Hi Regretful,

I can relate so much to your sitch (H coming home with the 'wrong' pizza, H only remembering one thing on the list, H not doing dishes, H not helping with getting kids to tidy...), I'm still not convinced though that those are things worth fighting over at the moment. I agree with SS's reaction.

My H has never been great at those things and like yours, he's even worse at them now. He doesn't even clear up in the kitchen after he's made himself a snack. If I'm lucky, he'll have put his plate and some of the dirty stuff close to the sink but never in the dishwasher. And he NEVER empties the dishwasher if it's full. It is infuriating, but I suggest you let those things go for now. Do the dishes because you like to see a clean kitchen. They don't care enough. We care more. Also, I'd let go of wanting him to be the steward of the boys' room. It doesn't sound like his thing at all.

I'm not saying that there will never be a time to address these issues but it doesn't feel as if he has enough good will at the moment for you to be expecting him to make an effort in these ways. Him just being at home is probably a huge effort for him. I'd cut him some slack if you can do it without building up too much resentment.

Can you get emotionally nourished elsewhere (not an EA) so that you're not so dependent on your H (for now)?

It's so easy for me to say all this looking at your sitch but really hard for me to put into practice myself. It is really interesting though for me to read your posts because it allows me to see a situation similar to mine but with more detachment than I see my own.

I know the temptation of having a heart to heart with my H and telling him how I feel but I think the benefits of that are usually very short-lived. I try to resist that now as much as possible. For me it's a cheeseless tunnel. Like you, I thinks Acts of Service are v important to me. As I said earlier, I don't think now is a great time to ask for them though.

Hang in there and good luck!