Heather, I'm in total agreement w/AJM about you and your home being a safe place for him to talk. I know it's difficult to swallow what they say, but just listen and validate whenever possible. You are only human and you stated your thoughts to him, now let it rest.
I would not suggest that he return home because he's not faced his issues and resolved them. He's not learned the lessons that he needs to learn, in other words, grow up. If he were to return home half baked, I can guarantee he will run again and it would create more emotional turmoil for you and the girls. Besides, he needs to show you the respect that you should have as well as earn your trust back. He's not done that thus far.
It sounds to me like he does miss the family, but he can't have his cake and it to. I would suggest that he plan to take the girls to his place or out somewhere for visitation. Your home is not grand central station, whereby he can come and visit all of the time. After all, you don't go to his place and do that.
As for doing things around the home, if they are things that you can't do or have someone do, it's okay, but I would suggest having him come one day periodically do them. In other words, line up all of the work for one day so that there is no excuse to continue coming over there.
As for talking about coming and getting all of his stuff...temper tantrum of a 2 yr old. If he can't have his shovel for his sand bucket, then he wants to pack it all in and go home. Poor man/child.
Your daughters are old enough to work out their relationship w/him. Who knows, maybe your daughter is curious to see what the ow looks like so that she can see what her father saw in the woman to leave his family. You just never know w/teenagers!
Hang in there...it's going to be bumpy for a bit.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
