FY you seem to be mistaking the DR approach with the do not upset the WS at all costs approach. Michele does not promote being a doormat. Being polite and honourable and respectful is not being a doormat.
Doormat is in the eye of the beholder. Please reread Michele's section in DR on dealing with a spouse in MLC and take back your "do not upset the (MLC) spouse at all costs" comment. She most certainly outlines a path that most would consider "doormat", (I know I did when I read it) because her goal IS to save marriages at all costs. Sparing EGO is back seat for her.
Not saying I necessarily agree with this, or that I could walk Arsene's path, (pretty sure I couldn't) but her words are what they are.
Quote:
The end goal is not having your wife with you.
If that is your goal then its just round two and you will be back here again down the road. This is the mistake that Arnse is making with his version of the nice-guy bo-peep approach. No boundaries and no structure. Pick what you want to hear. Tune out the rest.
The end goal is to recommitte to a new relationship built around communication, truth, and boundaries and knowing you are going to be fine if you chose a different path.
Semantics. Yes, the end goal is "to recommit to a new relationship", on this I'm sure we all agree. Having your wife with you doesn't not include that. Well, not forever anyway.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
