The Lure of the Siren

[Arsene]

FY you seem to be mistaking the DR approach with the do not upset the WS at all costs approach. Michele does not promote being a doormat. Being polite and honourable and respectful is not being a doormat.

The end goal is not having your wife with you.

If that is your goal then its just round two and you will be back here again down the road. This is the mistake that Arnse is making with his version of the nice-guy bo-peep approach. No boundaries and no structure. Pick what you want to hear. Tune out the rest.

The end goal is to recommitte to a new relationship built around communication, truth, and boundaries and knowing you are going to be fine if you chose a different path.

With all due respect CB, I don't think I can separate the twofold purpose of being here as well as you do. I am doing what I'm doing to become a better person, yes. But I would never have come here if it wasn't first to save my marriage. I wasn't looking for a self-help book when I found DR. I was looking for a way to save my family.

Although I accept the importance of going through our changes for ourselves, the added motivation is that it might save our R. When I go through hell, the picture in my mind that pushes me to carry on is not of a very good version of Arsene who is happy on his own. It's the picture of a very good version of a happy Arsene standing by his very happy family.

Now, right or wrong, mistake or not, as long as "I" am the one who will live with the consequences of my actions, I will listen to the advice here and in DR and judge, based on my knowledge of my sitch and the help given, what course "I" will take. I am sorry CB that you seem to be taking offense because I am not doing exactly what you say but no need to make it personal mate. I said before that I want to see all the different perspectives so as to base my actions on the most complete resource possible. You and I obviously have different styles and that is ok, or at least it should be, and there might come a time when I choose a tougher approach but that time is not now.

You are right about the end goal mate, and for the time being I would like this end goal to still be with my W so I'll do what it takes to keep this an option.

Thanks CB, for you time.