Moving the blanket away from the castle

[bustingout]

Journal.......

I want to journal yesterday. I will make it as brief as I can.

I want to be able to remember how I feel and also remember to OBSERVE and repeat ‘isnt that interesting’.

Our Friday is like your Saturday. So yesterday H came to the house a bit later than usual, but he called saying he has slept late and was on his way (he doesn’t usually do that ever).

Then we went on the boat for like an hour. We just drove around for like an hour with the kids. It was lovely. We saw a very large lizard (Its called a Nile Monitor) and I commented on how I have never seen one before and wanted to take a picture but forgot my phone.

With out me saying anything else, H took out his phone and took a picture.

Later on we were taking the kids to the school’s annual family picnic. Before that H had to go to out and said he would meet us there.

As I was about to leave, he called and said wait don’t go. I am on my way and we can all go together.

As we walked into school, I told myself to remember that he will be distant with me in public, lest he let people think that I am NOT a monster.

Of course he was distant. Also, a lot of the people there were our M friends and they know about the affair and OW. I guess I can say that would be hard to be H in that situation.

Then I left to go to a party I was invited to (GAL). I was hesitant to go because of all of the gossip etc that has surrounded my sitch. It’s like a wave of anxiety hits me.

Anyway, OW was there. I didn’t see her at first. I was with my friends. Then I saw her out of the corner of my eye. And I know she saw me. I realized this is it. This is my chance to prove to myself what I have learnt.

So after downing two glasses of wine very quickly (liquid courage), I went back to the dance floor and had a BLAST. I had my friends with me and eventually some guys joined us too. And it was just good silly fun! We were quite a large group by the end of the night being silly and laughing.


I realized that this is it. I am going to be happy. I am going to enjoy my life. I don’t want to be stuck in that miserable place anymore. I am not going to live in reaction to H. He chooses to live in a dark place and I choose not too. I realized this is MY life and I get to choose how I live it. It was a great feeling.

Interestingly enough, one of OW’s friends used to be a good friend of mine. She came and said hello as did her husband. We used to travel with them as couples. What a farce that friendship was.

Also, OW’s cousin (she also used to be a friend) came up to me and said Busting you look really good. That guy is checking you out.

Then this same cousin came up to me later and said I want to apologise to you for my cousin and your H over the past two years. You are a wonderful woman and mother and I know you will find a great guy (or something like that).

Isn't it all so interesting.