Wow- So much has happened in the last couple of days. I'm sorry you took your anger out on H. It is a known coping mechanism to take it out on our loved ones which is why it is so devastating. Know it was normal. You are human and will make mistakes and not be perfect. The best part was that you showed him unintentionally that you really ARE sincere in your desire to change. That's freaking huge. Regardless of how things go in the future, you have just helped change his mental image from old you to new you. Bravo!
Amazing....keep on the path , keep working on you. I know you say you shouldn't care, but you do, and that is perfectly normal, otherwise you wouldn't be here, right?
Lots of people never ever get a chance to complete this journey, even on here a lot of us( me included) struggle everyday with the whys and the what does this mean etc. doesn't mean we are failing it only means we are human.
We love, we hurt, we get angry and scared, but me? I wouldn't trade it for anything
Yes, figuring out how to be, where the lines are...
My biggest challenge is to remain open and hopeful (but not with the hopeful puppy face, as T^2 says), without expectations. I'm much better at closing out the potential pain. That line is hard to find -- the balance where we take good care of ourselves, protect ourselves, while still remaining open to R.
Pia Mellody's boundary lessons definitely help with that. If I'm doing well with my own internal boundaries, then other people's storms don't rock my boat. Still, it's a constant challenge and a constant learning experience.
yes, the challenge of all challenges, how to be open without having expectations...how to keep moving forward with focusing on US when they have done something nice and surprising..how to hold on tight to that picnic blanket and not let it go
busting, i think that for me the key is to notice small successes.. like i just realized that i have not cried about my sitch in a week.. that is BIG! yes, i still struggle sometimes with pesky thoughts.. but they are fewer, last a shorted time and honestly are so much less intense..
we not only can do this busting..we are doing it and getting better at it each and every day! love you dear sister! (((((((( )))))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
You sound really good and strong Busting Maintaining our distance and observing is key to remaining detached. But it's especially hard when they are nice not to have expectations. However, you sound like you can keep your heart in place and let things go where they will.
The blanket is the best place to be. I'm having trouble with that right now but I know it can be achieved because you are on that path
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
busting, i think that for me the key is to notice small successes.. like i just realized that i have not cried about my sitch in a week.. that is BIG! yes, i still struggle sometimes with pesky thoughts.. but they are fewer, last a shorted time and honestly are so much less intense..
we not only can do this busting..we are doing it and getting better at it each and every day! love you dear sister! (((((((( )))))))))))
Yes, the same way we look at baby steps in our WAS, let's not forget to see our own baby steps. Time is the answer here. We do get stronger everyday.
Take care,
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Busting...you are human, we are human. We have emotions good ones and not so good ones. We are not perfect, but it does look like you are on the right path for you. A big hug for you.
Also, ? When and and where are we all going to meet up for the actual picnic? Until then, I and others will meet and support you on the one we have here.
MKB23 Thank you for coming by and your support. I really appreciate it.
Ruby-Yes of course you are right, I do care and thats why I am here. But more and more I realize how much this place has helped ME. Thank you again for your support and encouragement :-)
SD-thank you for this:
My biggest challenge is to remain open and hopeful (but not with the hopeful puppy face, as T^2 says), without expectations. I'm much better at closing out the potential pain. That line is hard to find -- the balance where we take good care of ourselves, protect ourselves, while still remaining open to R.
I agree that this is one of our biggest challenges to overcome. I find the balance tricky because sometimes I teeter into too much indifference towards H in an attempt to protect myself.
NG-You are right...we do forget to look at the smallest of positive steps and changes. Its humbling I think when we do because it also forces us to appreciate moments and incidents that before, I know I would, completely overlook. It forces me to be more attentive to my children, and I have stopped taking things for granted.
I think a week without crying IS huge NG. and you should celebrate yourself for it. I am so in awe of you.
and yes, we ARE doing it.
Tumbling-Thank you :-) Trying to keep my head ahead of my heart. Its a huge 180 for me. And it challenges me. The blanket is the best place to be. Its the safest place for us right now. i believe that.
Why are you having trouble? I will come by and see your thread.
You are right Arsene---TIME is everything now. How are you?:-)
afa75- Thank you for your hug. One right back at you (((( )))) I am so proud to be sharing this blanket with you.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I want to journal yesterday. I will make it as brief as I can.
I want to be able to remember how I feel and also remember to OBSERVE and repeat ‘isnt that interesting’.
Our Friday is like your Saturday. So yesterday H came to the house a bit later than usual, but he called saying he has slept late and was on his way (he doesn’t usually do that ever).
Then we went on the boat for like an hour. We just drove around for like an hour with the kids. It was lovely. We saw a very large lizard (Its called a Nile Monitor) and I commented on how I have never seen one before and wanted to take a picture but forgot my phone.
With out me saying anything else, H took out his phone and took a picture.
Later on we were taking the kids to the school’s annual family picnic. Before that H had to go to out and said he would meet us there.
As I was about to leave, he called and said wait don’t go. I am on my way and we can all go together.
As we walked into school, I told myself to remember that he will be distant with me in public, lest he let people think that I am NOT a monster.
Of course he was distant. Also, a lot of the people there were our M friends and they know about the affair and OW. I guess I can say that would be hard to be H in that situation.
Then I left to go to a party I was invited to (GAL). I was hesitant to go because of all of the gossip etc that has surrounded my sitch. It’s like a wave of anxiety hits me.
Anyway, OW was there. I didn’t see her at first. I was with my friends. Then I saw her out of the corner of my eye. And I know she saw me. I realized this is it. This is my chance to prove to myself what I have learnt.
So after downing two glasses of wine very quickly (liquid courage), I went back to the dance floor and had a BLAST. I had my friends with me and eventually some guys joined us too. And it was just good silly fun! We were quite a large group by the end of the night being silly and laughing.
I realized that this is it. I am going to be happy. I am going to enjoy my life. I don’t want to be stuck in that miserable place anymore. I am not going to live in reaction to H. He chooses to live in a dark place and I choose not too. I realized this is MY life and I get to choose how I live it. It was a great feeling.
Interestingly enough, one of OW’s friends used to be a good friend of mine. She came and said hello as did her husband. We used to travel with them as couples. What a farce that friendship was.
Also, OW’s cousin (she also used to be a friend) came up to me and said Busting you look really good. That guy is checking you out.
Then this same cousin came up to me later and said I want to apologise to you for my cousin and your H over the past two years. You are a wonderful woman and mother and I know you will find a great guy (or something like that).
Isn't it all so interesting.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
