He's Just Not That Into You

[mamabird]

Thanks MKB, appreciate your help.

I just want to clarify one thing about what happened this morning with H. He said he was tired of having the same conversation over and over. That's ironic because we actually were having a new conversation. At least I was. I was telling him that I needed him to take down his wall, and he responded with his usual, "I'm hurt, I can't trust you" answer. So when he said we were in a standoff, that's actually not true. I was telling him we need to move forward and start breaking down some of the issues and he was refusing to budge.

There have been a lot of 180s. For instance, tonight we decided on pizza for dinner. I had a gift certificate to a local place and gave it to him. He comes home with pizza, but totally forgot about the gift certificate, and got a pizza that I don't really care for. My 6 year old pointed out to me that it wasn't the pizza I normally like, but my H, who I have been with for over twice the time S6 has been alive, cannot seem to figure that out. Old me would have ripped him a new one for all this. New me didn't say anything about the gift certificate (except to ask him for it back) and let him know politely that for next time, I prefer veggie pizza. I have a thought process now that lets me know when I'm starting to be bitchy and unreasonable and I'm trying to keep that in check.

My point in all of this is that I have 180'd my butt off and it hasn't made the kind of difference that I need it to. My biggest change is to try to tell him how I am feeling about things, in the moment or not too long after. To speak my mind whether good or bad. I had a moment this evening where I thought I wanted to share something with him, and caught myself thinking that he wouldn't respond like I wanted him to, so I wouldn't bother telling him. I am trying to break this pattern, although he's proven time and time again that he will respond according to his mood, and that usually doesn't bode well for me.

We are back to doing family things, which is good, and which represents a lot of progress. The change I need to see now is for him to be somewhat of an actual husband again.

With regards to the dishes, I have to draw the line somewhere. I think it's just completely disrespectful for him to do that. One night he went out at 8 pm and and left me with a dirty kitchen and I left him know (nicely) that that wasn't cool.