I don't know about it being normal but i don't think my STBX is saying these crazy insane things to other people. I really have no idea what goes through their head and i for one don't think i want to know.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
I agree SS that I just dont know what is going through his head...
Whoever said to me in a response that he would continue to ask ...was right...this is the text I just got about a hour ago:
H: No idea what to do about my visitation with the girls...do you have plans outside the house? I can stay with the kids if you do
DOES HE NOT GET IT..I ALREADY SAID NO...HE ISNT COMING TO THE HOUSE! I cannot make this easy for him and I know that I am risking him taking them to his parents which will totally upset my kids, but I cannot let him just waltz in the house and expect me to leave for even a few hours. I dont trust him..I have paperwork, and he can look up my stuff on my computer (like this site) and he will go in our old room where I keep my journals and stuff...no way will this happen.
Of course, I will be the bad guy. That I wont help make it easy for the kids....but honestly, I just cannot right now.
I want so BADLY to scream and yell and shake him and say: COME HOME AND BE WITH THEM EVERYDAY...BE A FAMILY WITH US.... But I will NOT do this..Iknow this gets me nowhere...its just so hard to not see that HE doesnt see how easy it would be to go to counseling and see what is left of our marraige and really work on it. I wish he would swallow his pride..stop being selfish, and just leave the OW in the dust..move toward the path of his family.
Im just really angry right now..sorry...im venting....
Its only gonna get harder, buddy...I hope he knows that...how is he gonna feel when baby boy is born and he gets an hour on the couch once a week to see him...real dad he will be!
M:36 H:36 D14, D11, Baby due in March M:15 T:18 Met OW: 3/12 H Moved out: 8/12 Legal Sep: 11/5/12
I don't know... How about a response that says something to the effect of, I cannot share my home and my children's home with a man I'm not committed to and who is not committed to me and our relationship. I know we will be facing tough times ahead and I'm praying for both of us to have the strength and resources available to us to make it through to the other side. I know we will have to depend on friends and family for things we were used to making happen as a team. It will be hard but I and wishing for the best for both us us and our children.
Or, something else. Just a thought.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
If H is in mlc, SB, you are the bad guy, no matter what you do, or don't do, for a long time. If the sky is grey, it'll be your fault, if the sky is blue, yup, your fault. There is no logic to be found anywhere. Please don't take what he says personally, tough as it is. He is an alien right now.
One thing I learned from the vets here is to keep any emails/texts/etc VERY short and to the point, they don't have the attention span of a fruit fly atm. And re-read, 2 or 3 times, before hitting "send"...
You are getting great advice here,hang in there!!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Oh, and also keep in mind, especially if H is a computer person, that every email/text/etc can be archived for "future use" ... kinda the old "what you say can and will be used against you", please be careful.
And keep all of his textx/emails/etc, for the same reason. I have had my archive in case my mlc W wants to go for D and put it all on me...just saying...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I told you that he will continue to ask you for things over and over again, just like a kid in a candy and/or toy store. The best way to deal w/an mlcer is be direct. If he asks about coming to the home and staying, be direct and say I've already addressed that issue previously and the answer is no.
No matter what you do, why you could even lay golden eggs, and you'll still be the bad guy. Nothing pleases them and they will keep sucking the life out of you if you allow them. Take back control over you and you life and your home. He walked, he can suffer the consequences of his actions.
Don't ever leave him in the house and you go away...they are very sneaky about looking for things and yes, they will take things and when you go looking for them, that's when you will discover that they are gone. If he is in the house, please make sure that you have taken everything in the way of papers out of the house or put them somewhere safe. Print off all emails and store them in a safe place...don't relive on archives, because if he's a computer geek, he most likely will be able to find them.
It is up to him to work out his relationship w/the girls. I have a feeling your daughhters will tell him like it is and that's for them to work out. If he takes them to his parents, it might be the best thing in the world because his parents will get tired of having them over there every week and may put pressure on him to find a place.
As for him being "poor" and needing a second job...that's good...if he's working, he can't spend all of his time w/ow. I don't feel sorry for him one bit.
I don't say this too often, but I sure would like to slap this man into the next world. He's an @ss, if ever I saw one.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Changes for myself: The job is HUGE for me...working everyday, even though its part time is gonna be great for me and my PMA! I also am painting D11's room this weekend..so not for me, but for my home! My room is next...I want a total different room before baby comes:)
Something little, but big for me was that I have been cooking dinner again at night. I stopped for these past 3 months cooking really good meals..like meat, potatoe, veggie! I have been getting by on easy stuff and I used to cook a full dinner everynight that all 4 of us sat down to. This is big for me, because it is still sad to sit at our table with an empty spot:(
I also am not engaging in the convos with H. I state my opinion and move along. He is throwing a temper tantrum right now....texting me as I write this! I am not responding, didnt answer his call from his job this afternoon (knowing it would be to discuss him coming here..after I have said NO) and usually I would be pursuing by now. I would be asking him to come back and make us work..but now, no words of that.
I also booked a scrapbook weekend (Thurs-Sun) in January to get away. Scrapbooking was my passion hobby before this and I have not touched it in almost 8 months because the memories of our happy life are hard to see and look back on right now. I just know that I need to continue my journey in my books and get caught up...its important to my life and the kids lives that our memories are recorded...no matter how things have turned out:( This is a biggie for me...
I feel like Im a little stuck being pregnant right now. I mean, I am doing things all the time, but honestly Im kinda in homebody mode with the cold weather and baby on board! I cannot wait until spring, so I can blossom with the rest of the flowers in my yard:)
I know these are not huge things, but they starts!
On the H note..I know you all are probably getting sick of hearing it...but the text I responded was:
Me: Visitation at the house cannot be an option
H: So what the he** do I do? While you're not there what is the big deal?
H: YOu dont care about me...you love that Im suffering....physically, emotionally, financially....you're loving this..Im just not sure how you can sleep at night
Now, I did NOT respond to this but was pissed that once again, Im the bad guy. DOES HE CARE ABOUT ME WHEN IM HERE, TAKING CARE OF THE HOUSE, THE KIDS, PREGNANT AND DOING IT ALL AND HE IS SPENDING THE NIGHT AT THE OW'S HOUSE??? DOES HE NOT THINK THAT I HAVENT SUFFERED EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY?? OMG..I'VE ABOUT HAD ENOUGH!
It took EVERYTHING in my power to NOT respond with something hateful...but I didnt..I just let it go and let his phone call afterward go VM on our home phone..no message was left....
Thanks for all the ears...or eyes I should say:)
M:36 H:36 D14, D11, Baby due in March M:15 T:18 Met OW: 3/12 H Moved out: 8/12 Legal Sep: 11/5/12
I'm glad to see that you have some things to do for yourself. Please be careful if you are getting up on a ladder.
Your job sounds like fun and it's a little be of cash to help out w/some of the bills.
As for your h, where are the tissues. Oh for goodness sakes...cry me a river! He did this to himself and he's going to keep at it. He strikes me as the type of man that doesn't like to be told no. Well, stand your ground because he's going to keep aggravating you until you say yes. If you say yes, you might as well toss in the towel because he will then know what to do to get what he wants.
Good luck w/the painting.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
