Was this them the whole time ??? My 2nd thread

[SunnyBurst]

I have been where you are, Sunny, I do understand...I got myself so worked up over W's behaviors, and my "She should/should nots" that I gave myself a bleeding ulcer for Christmas and my B-day last year...that, and how MY example of coping was being displayed to my sons (NOT what I wanted to model for them), got me to tough love myself into a different place with a lot of help from various posts here. Please read this again:

The ego work I was referring to was the part of me that was hurt, shamed, humiliated, emasculated, and crazy with needing to know what W was up to, and even getting paranoid....that when at work or whatever, that guys were looking at me like "Oh, you're T^2, I know all about YOUR wife, HA!" (W was really into the vidchat and phone sex on adult hookup sites, and went from safer long distance to local, based on the caller ID history when I still snooped)...anyway...came a point where I was so butthurt and paranoid that something woke up and said..."WTH am I allowing this person to control my feelings, my days, my experience??? I can't control a free human being, she is not my chattel, these are her, unfortunate, choices. And why is again I give a rip what other people think, I wasn't big on that through most of my life, so why now??? What is wrong with me?" This was the beginning of me taking back MY power, and my own journey. that's what I meant by ego and working with it, and what there is to find there.

MLC'ers can be nasty, mean, malicious, manipulating...you are not dealing with who you knew before (though she's in there somewhere). I want you to take your power back. I want the awesome Sunny human, man, father, Christian, etc, to NOT be compromised by letting W play him and turn him into someone he doesn't recognize, or like...
I know you are trying, you are learning, like we all are.
Who are/were your male role models??
T^2

Thanks again T2 - you are such an inpiration o me -- he was outside talking to my wife again this morning and I was cleaning some stuff up I hate how they act so phoney and nieghborly in front of me when I know that they are flirting and maybe having sex - but I can't controll her so I am gonna make my best concerted effort to just take care of my son and me from now on - you have been such a big help I feel like a big baby seeing what you went through and are still going through.

My dad was one but then I realized that all my "my way or the highway" and my controlling behavior I learned from him - when I go to my mom's house and see the way he treats her I see how tough I was on my wife it rips me apart.

I guess my Uncle Bill who was kind and loving, my aunt Leilea was a saint as well -

I think I want to be like Tom Selleck on Blue Bloods can I pick a guy from TV.

Sunny