Hello everyone, since it has been about 2 months since my d, I thought it would an appropriate time to make the transition to this forum. I just returned from a bucket list trip to Alaska, it was everything I thought it would be and more. My ex and I had always planned on getting there after retirement, and since those dreams got shattered, I figured there is no time like the present to make changes in my life, starting with living it to the hilt, still planning appropriately for the future, but not forsaking things I really want to experience now. People in Alaska are fond of calling their state "the Great Land" and I thought that would be an appropriate heading for my next thread. We are after all, all of us on this forum, experiencing the new land of divorce so, good luck to us on our new explorations!
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Awesome! You get top marks for "GET A LIFE". I love that you went ahead with your vacation and that it was wonderful.
I did the same. Our dream vacation was to go to Australia. Well guess what? I've been and he hasn't. Because I too got a life.
My dr told me when ex split that I had reached a fork in the road and unfortunately (or fortunately) I was going to have to take the road less travelled. And although it has been different - it has not been bad.
Thanks for sharing your great experience. Hope you're doing ok after the storm.
Hello barb, Thanks for your post. Glad you took your trip too! Austalia is on the very top of my list, i will take the tie to catch up on your sitch, in the meantime, e.joy your day, Doug
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
So, on this journey into the great land of divorce, I have met with some good and bad discoveries. I started dating someone about 4 mos after my ex left, she was a friend from about 15 years ago and we ran into each other at a work event. We reconnected and starting seeing each other loosely over the next 9 months until about 1 month ago. Dating her went against almost all the advice given in my divorce support groups, where most people advised against dating until at least 1 year or so after the d. I never felt comfortable with this advice, and felt I needed the company of someone else who found me attractive. I have no regrets about getting involved with this person, she is a great woman but has many issues from her marriage and is in constant batteles with her ex over the children.
Yesterday I found out through facebook(which I am rarely on but get updates about constantly) that she is now seeing someone and seems very happy. Someone also told me that my ex has changed her status to in a relationship(i wouldnt know this because i never look at her page and am not a friend) For whatever reasons, yesterday was a tough day, I have been doing pretty well, but I guess we will have these retrenchment days. I now find myself wondering should I just regroup and work on me, or continue to get out there on dates and experience new people. I know this is sort of a rhetorical question, what have other people on this board experienced. I am all ears, thanks folks
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Always WORK ON YOURSELF. How could that not be the right answer? Otherwise - you are still recovering and not ready for a "healthy" relationship. Many people jump into a new R before taking the time to learn to love themselves, be strong on their own, rediscover what you really love doing etc. When you've taken the time to do these things - you have a much better idea of who you are and what you want - making you much better for future relationships. To do otherwise usually means you end up repeating the mistakes you made in the marriage.
Wow, You've only been single a little over a year and divorced for 3 months?? Everyone is different, but the 18 months I spent alone and focused on myself were the best gift I gave myself. My husband left suddenly in June of '09 and our divorce was final in May of '10. Only NOW, and I mean within the past month, have I felt ready for a healthy relationship. Oh,I dated...but since like attracts like, I couldn't attract someone healthy and ready for a relationship. Lots to think about....go slow!
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
I now find myself wondering should I just regroup and work on me, or continue to get out there on dates and experience new people.
I'll cast my vote for working on yourself. I think if you were to get out and try to date, it could interfere with your work on yourself. IMO if you can get yourself to a point of being the man you want to be and being healthy, your odds are a lot better for getting into a healthy relationship. Just my 2 cents.
Gunny, Kudos for making the trip to Alaska. Perhaps we’ll run into each other on the AT.
Two years ago I spent a week with my D at Gettysburg. She had been trying to reconnect with X and I after several year of estrangement. It was good and we reconnected.
It is difficult when we find our Xs are getting on especially when we don’t think we’re doing so. I have a hunting buddy who recently divorced. His D was over in about 4 months. When I spoke with him last his X was on BF 5 and he was signing up for a Russian dating service. He speaks Russian and thinks that will give him a leg up. Frankly he doesn’t seem very happy. He seems to be twisting with each new event bringing new emotions.
I’m working on me and getting whole again. I wasn’t looking when I met X. I had all but shipped over and put that on hold while I sorted out what I wanted to do. It is one of those forks in our path we contemplate once in a while.
I do want to share the rest of my life with someone and I will eventually when it happens. I’ll probably feel differently in a few years, if I haven’t begun dating, but for now, no pressure.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
My D has been final for 2 months now. I started dating about 2 months after I started the D process. Went out with a control freak, who I kept dating because I have no skills based in reality. (I am patient and forgiving of way too much crap from friends and family.)I have been working on that, much to the astonishment of a host of people who walk on me at will. I am not going out with him anymore.
On the other hand my sister got divorced many years ago, and was remarried happily within 2 years. Her 2nd H passed away a little more than a year ago. She reconnected with a high school sweetheart and is engaged. And I don't think she rushed either decision.
I say if you want to date, go for it!
Glad to hear you are living large!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
