He's Just Not That Into You

[RegretfulLA]

Breakdown, I want to address some of the things you said in your post to me. I'm on my phone so I can't do the quotes.

You said that I did cheat on him twice, I need to own it, and do other people's opinions matter. When someone says "she cheated on me" it's assumed that's physical, which it wasn't. Therefore he is intentionally trying to ruin my reputation among my community. I do own it, but semantics are everything and people are getting the wrong idea. And yes, people's opinions matter since I have to see them every day. I am the one who lives with the scarlet letter (at least my perception of it) and it is painful every day. Not an easy thing to ignore, I am sorry. H said to me this morning that I have no idea how my actions impact others and I see this as being a prime example of him doing that to me. Or maybe he does know, which is worse...

Now, onto the next thing. I did speak to h this morning mostly because I felt like I was going to seriously lose it if I didn't get some of this off my chest. I said that I'm very frustrated because I've been trying as hard as I can and getting nothing back. He keeps building his emotional wall higher and higher, and that's the crux of my issue right now. If he can't start letting me in, at least a little, nothing will ever be resolved.

His response was the same response I always get: I dont trust you, I don't know what your motivations are, you really hurt me over the course of several years, you keep changing your mind about what you want.

My response: I can't change the past, I can only change the future. And I've been working hard to change my behavior and change our dynamic. I'm not sure what else I can do. I do know that we won't ever solve anything if you aren't willing to try. I'm not sure why you want to go to therapy.

H's response: we are at a standoff and I'm tired of having the same conversation. Maybe the MC will help us get out of the same conversation.

Etc. I told him we'd be headed for D if he couldn't at least start to try to take down his wall. He doesn't seem to want to do that. I gave him my copy of After the Affair and asked him to read it. I am sure he won't until the MC tells him to. I do know that without forgiveness, we are doomed. I am really starting to prepare for D at this point because he shows no signs of moving towards forgiveness or any sort of putting the past behind him. He hasn't made any progress on any of this in 5 months, except for backing off D.